I say “air quotes” because “finger quotes” sounds pornographic.

Yesterday, during my WAH day (the day in which I work at my home), I decided to play Supermom and walk my li’l kiddos to school. Because I was home yesterday. You know, working? While at home? La la la la! I get to work at home! Only on Wednesdays! But still! Mwah ha ha!

So, anyhoosy, as we were walking along, my youngest daughter skipped up beside me and cheerfully shouted out, “Only three more days left of school!”

Okay. Here is where things get embarrassing. Not for the first time, mind you, I was slapped in the face with my very own self reflected in the form of my six-year-old daughter. She smiled saucily at me and stated in her best– no, my best– Lady Disdain voice, “Then I won’t be in kindergarten anymore!” And, I kid you not, darned if she didn’t throw the ol’ air quotes around the word “kindergarten.”

That’s right… the cutest little upright Bunny Foo-Foo air quotes you ever did see! It was two little bunny-ear twitches, in rapid-fire succession, like, “kinder” (twitch), “garten” (twitch!). Okay, sure, she only used one hand, with no regard for proper air-quote form whatsoever (unlike me, an air quote purist, who uses both hands in a more angled, peace-sign approach, and wraps those suckers by the syllable, if you know what I’m saying), but her intentions? Pure.

Of course, after the initial incredulous stare (Oh, no she didn’t… did she?… did my baby just use air quotes?! Nuh-uh! NUH-UH!), I burst out laughing. I know, I know! But, honestly. I couldn’t help myself!

She just stared at me, puzzled, because of course “kindergarten” is totally air-quote worthy, right? I mean, obviously.

So, ever the educator, I took a moment and tried to explain it, tried to impress upon her the vital importance of irony and humor in this oh-so-clever form of verbal punctuation, and the subtle innuendo involved in wielding the air quote effectively, but her gorgeous baby blue eyes, they just glazed over, and she began to hum this super annoying song from Barbie in the Nutcracker (oh, THANKS, MOM, by the way!), which clued me in to the realization that I had completely lost her, and then I thought, “Oh no!” and I wondered whether or not she would be doing that air quote thingy again or did I totally ruin everything with my impromptu pop culture-slash-literary terms mini-lesson because dear God I totally want her to do it again because that was the CUTEST! THING! EVAH!

So, yeah, TGIM has officially added Excessive Use of the Air Quotes to the list of things I should refrain from doing in front of the children. Because, apparently, it is “annoying.”

Rude.

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