Five Things About Me That Might (Okay, Probably Won’t) Surprise You
September 5, 2006 · Print This Article
I have always wanted to meet Ellen DeGeneres because then I could say, “OMG. When I was hanging out with Ellen last month, she said the most hilarious thing… and then we had a dance- off!” Because while I imagine she is super funny in real life, I could totally take her in a dance-off. And honestly, how awesome would that be, right?
I’ve never seen an entire episode of Lost. Not one. Ditto Desperate Housewives. I feel just awful about this. Okay, I don’t.
When I eat M&M’s, I never just throw a handful in my mouth. Because… ew? No, no, no. With M&M’s I am a strict non-touchatarian. Segregation is key. I mean, obviously all M&M’s are equal, but some M&M’s are more equal than others. That’s all I’m saying. So what I do is I sort them by color, see? Then I eat all the M&M’s I consider unattractive, you know, just to get them out of the way. Brown? Orange? WHY? Candy should be pretty. Then I eat the remaining M&M’s in ascending order of attractiveness– the yellows go, then the blues– culminating in a satisfyingly green handful of chocolatey goodness. A veritable cornucopia o’ green plenty, if you will. Sometimes– if I’m feeling a bit crazy– I’ll mix the yellows and blues together and eat them… at the same time. Because hello? Color wheel? Primary colors? Everybody knows yellow and blue makes green anyway. Duh.
I find toes a bit off-putting. Toes are funky. I’m just saying.
I enjoy throwing random literary quotes into everyday conversation. I do this with my favorite television and movie quotes, too. I find that when I do this, people either find me extraordinarily witty (clearly unearned), wicked quick with the random cognitive recall skillz (it’s genetic), or sadly lacking in original thought (I prefer quirky). But more often than not, people simply have no idea what the hell I am talking about. Which is amusing to me (hello? dork?). Thus the enjoyment.
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11 Responses to “Five Things About Me That Might (Okay, Probably Won’t) Surprise You”
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When I heard your son say “disappear tall person” the other day I though it was sort of weird. Then I saw High School Musical. You have passed on the gene. Be proud.
Bob
I new ALL of those things. BOOYAH! Okay, not the thing about the m&m’s. That is just weird.
Okay, so, I know I am risking our friendship, but I’ve never seen an entire episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or Angel. Or any of Veronica Mars after season one. And I don’t think Seinfeld is that funny.
Bob: First, I believe what he said was “Evaporate, tall person!” (which, ha!) and b of all, you passed on quite a few quirky genes of your own there, TGIM– I mean Bob.
Paige: So says the woman with a PINK Kitchen Aid…
Nat: You’re right. We can’t be friends anymore.
Oh, I kid! That’s what I do, Nat! I’m a kidder! Hoo! Anyhoos, speaking to your confession about the first three shows you listed, all I can say is “Hey. Your Loss, Babycake.” As for Seinfeld? Meh. I could take it or leave it.
I would LOVE to see a Cat and Ellen dance off. That would be completely, utterly awesome.
I haven’t seen Lost either. I think that they run themselves into a corner because you have to stay up with the show. It’s not like you can just pop in and understand what’s going on.
I prefer Reese’s Pieces to M&M’s. I’m just sayin.
okay…not so weird…and yes, i eat my M&Ms the EXACT same way…it’s the only way to do it!!!
Okay…the Guns and Roses song was “Every Rose has a thorn”. And there was no Axel Rose’n going on. Disappointed was I. As for all your quirkyness…I have never seen an episode of Lost, either. I would like to dance WITH Ellen, not AGAINST her, and the M&M thing…WEIRD!!!!! BUT, when eating a candybar, such as Twix, I have to eat all the chocolate off the outside, then the caramel, and then the cookie. So, that probably qualifies as weird, too!!!
I could so see you saying, “The other day when I was hanging with Ellen Degenres”
I lined my M&M’s up by color in a pyramid and ate from the edges in to keep them even. Of course if there were equally matched quantities I’d eat the ugly ones first. I mean, I grew up before there were even blue ones. My son used to throw out the orange ones, because he didn’t like that flavor.
I’m also a frequent quoter passing it on to my children. But it was indeed a proud day when my youngest son started quoting movies, unfortunately it was the bicycle newspaperboy from “Better Off Dead” There’s nothing quite so endearing as a 4 year old screaming “I want my $2!”
Undercovermutha: I would SO kick Ellen’s butt. I am competitive that way. But I must concede that it would be a super close call!
Melissa: Yes! Validation!
NSN Mom: OMG. I do the exact same thing with my Twix! We are totally Weird Twix Eating BFFs! Or something! Oh, and thanks for the deets. You = Lucky Ducky.)
William: I know, right?!
Conney: I am liking the M&M Pyramid Scheme idea. I will clearly have to try that out. And “Buck up, little camper!” is a quote thrown around at the DWM house all the time, so I’m liking your four-year-old’s taste in movies.
NSN Mom: By the way, my mother called and wanted me to tell you (because she won’t ever comment– she’s such a luddite) that “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” is NOT, in fact, a Guns’N'Roses song, but a monster ballad performed by none other than legendary 80′s hair band… POISON. The only song by Poison she ever liked actually. And she knows this because of THIS. Craziness. Anyhoos, just thought you should know.