Have a happy, happy, HAPPY Christmakwanzukaaaaaah!
December 15, 2006 · Print This Article
My kids came home from school the other day full of barely-contained excitement about the holiday celebrations afoot at the elementary school.
They started babbling about the songs they were learning and the crafts they were making, all, “Yeah, so we’re making all these cool decorations for Christmakwanzukkah, and–”
Wait. Who in the what now? I thought.
“Wait. Who in the what now?” I said. “The heck you say? Christmawho’sitcalled?”
Of course my kids rolled their eyes, all, “Um, Christmakwanzukkah? Duh?” like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world that I had no idea what in the Sam Hill they were talking about. But seriously. I had no idea what in the Sam Hill they were talking about.
Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m confused. Could any three celebrations BE any more different, and here we are lumping them together all willy-nilly like? All portmanteau-esque and whatnot? And as far as portmanteau words go, this one’s a doozy, are you with me? But what I just can’t understand is why do we have to be so darn exclusive? I mean, what about Omisoka? We can’t leave the Japanese holiday out, now can we? That would be so rude. And what about the Muslims? Hello? Eid ul-Adha? Inconsiderate, much, leaving the Muslim holiday out? And a pilgrimage ain’t no small thang, either. I read The Canterbury Tales. I KNOW. Oh, and the hispanic community. What about the them? Huh?! Break out the pinatas, it’s time for the Posadas! What about the POSADAS?! Huh? Huh?
That’s right, people. Forget Merry Christmas. So passe’. And Happy Holidays? YAWN. Nope. This year I wiil wish you a happy freaking Christmakwanzukkomisokaposadeidul-adha! A merry ChristmakwanzuposadagimmeepresentsIwantaDSgimmeeGIMMEEkkah!
Now excuse me. I’ve got to jot down my grievances for the year before I head out to pick out my Fetivus Pole– d’oh! I knew I forgot one. A Festivus for the rest of us! How could I forget?
Well, I’m off to practice my feats of strength. This year? TGIM is going down.
Lucky TGIM.
William made me blush!
What do you mean, Charl– ooooooooh. William!
Dirty.
When you say things like “portmanteau-esque” it makes me love you just a little bit more.
And when William beats me to a perfectly good double-entendre, I could almost cry.
I am trying to decide if I like the new look or not.