Vacation Bible School Euphoria

Vacation Bible School euphoria is a curious and slightly bewildering thing to behold, I tell you what. Allison was invited to attend with her best friend, and we were all like, “Eh. Why not?”

When Allison returned home the first evening I could hear her dancing around downstairs, regaling her brother and sister with colorful and sundry details of her evening spent eating yummy snacks and playing games and dancing and learning new songs.

“Listen, guys! Listen,” she begged, just before launching into song. LOUD song.

“Our GOD is an AWESOME God! Um, something… something… he ain’t just putting on the ritz! Our GOD is in AWESOME God!”

I heard Tanner snicker, and thought– perhaps– I might need to be privy to the goings-ons of this budding conversation. I put away my magazine (it was an edifying periodical, I am SURE, not at all some frivolous rag, like, say, InTouch or anything…), and snuck down to the landing at the bend in our stairwell, where I could see but not be seen.

In the living room Allison was performing some sort of little–I don’t know… jig?– while Tanner and Hannah looked on, wide-eyed. And not the Wow, that is so cool! wide-eyed, no sirree, but the Is she for real?! No, REALLY? wide-eyed. YOU know the one. The one that spells Trouble. With a capital T.

Allison brought it home. “He reigns from heaven above! Something… and love! Our God is an AWESOME GOOOOD!”

Now, she’s only just turned eight, so I am going to go ahead an overlook the jazz hands. Tanner and Hannah, however, were not as generous.

Tanner glanced at Hannah, then back at Allison. “You know,” he said, his voice calm, “some people might think that song is a little,” he paused, in an apparent struggle to choose the right word, “well, disrespectful.”

Hannah nodded her head. “Yeah. Disrespectful.” Then she giggled.

I couldn’t see Allison’s face, but her body language clearly said Oh, no you did NOT.

“What?!” she said, her voice incredulous. “It’s not disrespectful! It just says God is awesome! Which he is!”

Hannah piped in then with, “Aaaaaaawesome, dude.”

Alli turned to Hannah. “No, not awesome like cool, but awesome like… you know, really awesome!”

Tanner shrugged. “I’m just saying. It seems disrespectful to be all, ‘God is awesome! God is awesome!’”

“It is NOT!” Allison stomped her foot. “You’re just jealous that I got to go to Vacation Bible School and you didn’t! So SHUT! UP! you big, fat meanie!”

“Is that what Jesus would say?”

Hannah giggled again.

Not to brag, but I’ve always had a pretty good sense of timing, and by the steam I could practically see coming out of Allison’s ears, I was sensing that this was a particularly fitting time to join the conversation. I came the rest of the way down the stairs and distracted my youngest daughter with a “Hi, there, cutie!’ and a hug.

I hope you admire my restraint when I tell you I resisted the urge to tell her that her brother and sister were clearly jealous of her success in the Lord, since she was down with G-O-D and filled with Christ’s love. (Hoo! Saved. Funny flick, that.) But I digress.

“Watch what we do after we sing songs,” she ordered just before she tore a brand new VBS straw cowboy hat off her head and waved it around with zeal, while she yelled, “Yeeeehaaaaw!” Then she pointed to a small goody bag she had placed on the table before launching into song and dance. “I got goodies, too,” she told me proudly.

I picked up the bag and pulled a small blue teddy bear out of it. “What’s this?” I examined it a little more closely. “Oh. It says ‘Jesus’ all over it. It’s a Jesus bear. A bear made out of Jesus cloth.” I looked up at Allison. “So, what’s up with the Jesus bear?”

Allison smiled at me. And not an Oh, Momma, you’re so cool smile, but more of an Oh, Momma, I’ll miss you in heaven, you Godless savage smile. “Um… we worship him?”

“The bear?” Tanner asked, oh-so-innocently.

“JESUS!” Allison yelled.

I may have giggled. I don’t know. It all happened so fast.

“MOM!”

Allison’s spiritual high eventually calmed a bit and I was able to put the kids to bed without any more instances of religious persecution.

Phew.

I tell you what. Learning to dealing with the aftermath of Vacation Bible School euphoria? Steep learning curve, my friends. That’s all I’m saying. STEEP.

The HELL you say?!

You let me down, my peeps. Why didn’t anyone TELL me?! Huh?! My Secret Greek Idol Luvah gets an actual, honest-to-goodness acting part–with lines and e’rything!– on a popular daytime soap opera, and you don’t give me a heads-up? What’s up with that? A little “Okay, so Constantine is neither Bold nor Beautiful, but did you hear he was cast anyway?”? Or perhaps a quick “Hey, Cat, guess what!”? Honestly. A little courtesy, my peeps!

C-O-U-R-T-E-S-Y.

This is completely unacceptable. I mean, do I ask too much? Do I?! GOSH.

It’s almost as if you don’t care anymore.

Perfect Day

So, when your day starts with a wicked clumsy lady bursting through a doorway– all willy-nilly-like– and accidentally flinging a cup of frakking HOT but just less than scalding coffee all over you, your iPod, and your brand new, super cute gingham blouse and stylish business-casual dress shorts, and said coffee runs in rivulets down your arms and legs and drips into your computer bag, and you spend the next twenty minutes scrubbing coffee out of your bag and your clothing while stressing about the possible detrimental implications of coffee breaching the protective pink iSkin barrier of your iPod… well, you know it’s going to be a long, LONG day.

And when the preternaturally frigid air-conditioner kicks in, chilling your entire water-soaked left side to the core, well, that’s just the capper.

“The best part of waking up” my–! well, you know the rest.

Damn you, Folgers. Damn you to hell.

*sigh*

Instant Star: Just for the heck of it.

I found a karaoke video on YouTube, and I just couldn’t resist. Honestly. Who even knew they HAD karaoke videos on YouTube?! MAN! They have EVERYTHING! I mean, have you seen the South Park version of the Mac/PC commercials floating around? HIIII-larious! (I’ve got a link around here somewhere…) But, see?! Everything! GOSH.

So, anyway, this is a song from Instant Star. And, duh, I am NOT a professional singer. Like, at ALL. Seriously. Simon Cowell would laugh at me and throw erasers at me. And tell me I’m dreadfully awful, pip pip! Cheerio! Except probably not that last “pip, pip” part.

But whatever! It’s all about the KARAOKE FUN! Shut up! It IS! GOOD TIMES! With the singing! And the mocking! HOO!

Right, then. This is me– Cat– covering a song by Alexz Johnson called “I Don’t Know If I Should Stay.”

(Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Happy birthday, TGIM!

To TGIM, who had to be away from his family for his birthday…

Tanner says: Yo, father. Hi. Happy birthday. I hope you pass your training!

Hannah says: Hi-lo. Happy birfday.

Allison says: Yo, Daddy! How you doin’, Daddy? Happy birthday, Daddy! I hope you pass your training (just like Tanner), Daddy!

Cat says: We love you, big guy. And miss you! Have fun at training, and hurry home, mm’kay?

Alli adds: Momma and Daddy sitting on a train! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Tanner in the baby carriage. That’s not all, that’s not all! Here comes Hannah playing basketball! That’s not all, that’s not all! Here comes Alli kicking a soccer ball!

(Thank you for that lovely biology lesson, Allison. I hope we have all learned a little something here today…)

He can always get braces, that’s all I’m saying.

In order to try out my brand-spankin’ new video player plugin, I give you a video clip of a cell phone salesman named Paul Potts– an operatic wannabe– who actually brought a SMILE to Simon Cowell’s face (who knew Simon was capable of genuine feeling?!) on a somewhat familiar-sounding show called– wait for it– Britain’s Got Talent.

Allow me to say… BOY, do they ever.

I am Stillness.

There are moments when I am sure I am standing still while everyone around me spins madly on. And I smile and joke and laugh in place, pretend I move, but I am motionless. I am still. I am here, right here, where everyone else isn’t, and I can’t… quite… get there. Where they are. I want to join in the fray, spin wildly along with the world, lose control, but shocks of sudden, startling panic bind me until an urgency born of desperation and yearning crescendos inside, near agonizing in its intensity, and I long to scream, to wail, to crawl out of my skin, to be not here…

… yet here I remain, with stillness roaring in my ears. I am caught in a moment. Playing a part. Standing still.

And the world spins madly on.

That’s Captain Obvious to you…

So, my good blogging buddy Charlotte sent me a link to the HSM2 (that’s High School Musical 2, for the uneducated masses) music video sneak preview clip “What Time Is It?” I graciously thanked her for the link and let her know that she totally made my– I mean, my children’s day. Because High School Musical is all about the children. Obviously.

So, we watched the clip, my kiddos and I, and boy howdy! Hello? With the FUN? For the CHILDREN! I just stuck around to make sure there were no computer malfunctions during the viewing of the clip. A mother’s work is never done, I tell you what.

So, the clip begins with a group of students counting down the minutes until summer vacation. With contagious energy rivaling the Greasers and the Jocks and the Nerds and the Pink Ladies and… um, Bad Girl Sandy, they celebrate the last day of school with a wave of spunky, over-the-top dancing and enthusiastic singing that carries them through the halls and spills them out onto the school lawn. Now, I have to admit, while they’re singing about summer vacation and romance, all I’m hearing is “dip da dip da dip do whap de dobby do” and “boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby shoo wap shoo wap!”

Not that I’m saying they’re blatantly ripping off any Broadway musicals or hugely successful 1978 film adaptation of said Broadway musicals. Nope. I’m just saying “a womp bop a looma a womp bam boom!” came to mind, okay? And if, say, I suddenly envisioned Troy and Gabriella driving off into the sunset in a vintage hot rod that could inexplicably fly, I wouldn’t be like, “Huh.” Hey. I can’t help the way my mind works. That’s all I’m saying.

So, anyhoos, after the final “What time is it? It’s party tiiiiime!” and “YEAH!”, we– I mean, the children were all, “Woo! Cool!” Then I felt a tug at my sleeve, and I turned to see Alli smiling up at me over her glasses.

“Momma,” she said, pushing her glasses into place, then pointing at the computer screen, “I think those kids are excited for summer vacation.”

“You think?” I replied, smiling down at her. With overwhelming love and pride, obviously.

Because, WOW, right?! She has a firm grasp of the obvious, that daughter o’ mine.

*so proud*

Blame it on Paris

Okay, who else is absolutely exhausted by Paris Hilton and this weekend’s Get Out of Jail Free Card debacle? Hmm? Let’s see a raise of hands… I know, right?!

Goodness. I am weary, y’all. Weary, I tell you. I have no energy for original thought today. None. Nada. Zilch. My mind? Blown by the idiocy.

So that is all I have to say about that. Instead, because of my weariness, I shall simply post another snippet from my novel. Okay, it’s a bit more than a snippet. What does that make it, then?… A snappet?

Plus, I’m going to try out my new (to me) “Read the rest of this entry…” link feature. So, yay me!

With no further ado, I present to you… a snappet of my novel in progress:

It took me all of ten minutes spent sifting through my favorite DVD’s to decide I didn’t want to waste the rest of the evening watching a movie all by my lonesome. I grabbed my keys and headed out to my car.

I drove aimlessly for over an hour. The houses—striking and inviting individually— began to blend together, identities lost in the sameness dictated by homeowner association bylaws. No garage doors left open, no cars parked on the street, no lawns with grass more than two inches high. I wondered vaguely if I should be frightened by the Stepford Wifeyness of it all, but I had too much on my mind to be amused by my own dumb attempts at humor.

I honestly had no plans to head for the ocean. I certainly didn’t want to see Becca or Dean or any of that crew, but somehow I ended up at the edge of our local beach, staring out at the seemingly endless miles of rippling green and blue. I had unofficially designated this particular section of the beach as my own private sanctuary. It was usually deserted; the imposing rocks and gravelly sand didn’t exactly provide an inviting venue for surf and sun.

I parked in the furthest space from the lot entrance and set my emergency break. I took my keys out of the ignition and dropped them into my purse, slowly unrolled my window—just a crack—then reclined my seat and closed my eyes.

Even with the window cracked, there was a sultry oppressiveness in the air, but I basked in the warmth, feeling momentarily peaceful in my quiet globe of heat. It reminded me of when, at six years old, I would spend hours lazing in one of the elaborate blanket forts I used to erect in our living room. Oh, how my mother hated those forts. Where I saw a magical fortress of solitude–however stuffy–she saw three rumpled beds she had to remake.

Mom.

I struggled to banish the sudden ache I felt by concentrating on the rhythmic lapping of the waves surging to shore, dashing against rocks and rolling over sand, before pulling away again. For a few moments, nothing but the steady surge of waves and the gentle thump of my heartbeat interrupted the stillness of the haze-hushed afternoon.

[Read more]

Happy Birthday, My Drama Queen

We love you, baby girl.

A little dab will do ya.

Oh, tourmaline ceramic flat iron of T3-ness, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

I love thee to the depth of frizz-free flatness my hair can reach when humidity is out of control… which is way deep, yo?

Huh. So… just one way, then.

Sweet.

Okay. Now I’m feeling inspired.

Okay, so I don’t know these guys from Adam, but if you are in the mood for a giggle (or two… three, perhaps?), then check out THESE GUYS lip syncing to Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone.” I added it to my Veronica Mars MySpace page. I figured I may as well use the space for SOMETHING now that my dream of VM swag has been shot to hell…

Personally? I’m loving the drummer.

Plus, the guy on the right? Reminds me a little of *sigh* Jensen Ackles. (Shut up! He DOES!) Which… cool? (Hey, Jensen. ‘Sup, luvah? Call me.)

Direct link to video at ifilm.com.

The More You Know…

Hello, humidity. How you been?

You see? DO YOU SEE?! THIS is why ponytails rock this hizzouse. Just so you know! I SWEAR, if one more person asks me, “Hey! Did you get a perm or something?” or moseys on up to me just to say something like, “Damn, girl! Look at that hair! ShaZAM!”, so help me…