Vacation Bible School Euphoria

June 29, 2007

Vacation Bible School euphoria is a curious and slightly bewildering thing to behold, I tell you what. Allison was invited to attend with her best friend, and we were all like, “Eh. Why not?”

When Allison returned home the first evening I could hear her dancing around downstairs, regaling her brother and sister with colorful and sundry details of her evening spent eating yummy snacks and playing games and dancing and learning new songs.

“Listen, guys! Listen,” she begged, just before launching into song. LOUD song.

“Our GOD is an AWESOME God! Um, something… something… he ain’t just putting on the ritz! Our GOD is in AWESOME God!”

I heard Tanner snicker, and thought– perhaps– I might need to be privy to the goings-ons of this budding conversation. I put away my magazine (it was an edifying periodical, I am SURE, not at all some frivolous rag, like, say, InTouch or anything…), and snuck down to the landing at the bend in our stairwell, where I could see but not be seen.

In the living room Allison was performing some sort of little–I don’t know… jig?– while Tanner and Hannah looked on, wide-eyed. And not the Wow, that is so cool! wide-eyed, no sirree, but the Is she for real?! No, REALLY? wide-eyed. YOU know the one. The one that spells Trouble. With a capital T.

Allison brought it home. “He reigns from heaven above! Something… and love! Our God is an AWESOME GOOOOD!”

Now, she’s only just turned eight, so I am going to go ahead an overlook the jazz hands. Tanner and Hannah, however, were not as generous.

Tanner glanced at Hannah, then back at Allison. “You know,” he said, his voice calm, “some people might think that song is a little,” he paused, in an apparent struggle to choose the right word, “well, disrespectful.”

Hannah nodded her head. “Yeah. Disrespectful.” Then she giggled.

I couldn’t see Allison’s face, but her body language clearly said Oh, no you did NOT.

“What?!” she said, her voice incredulous. “It’s not disrespectful! It just says God is awesome! Which he is!”

Hannah piped in then with, “Aaaaaaawesome, dude.”

Alli turned to Hannah. “No, not awesome like cool, but awesome like… you know, really awesome!”

Tanner shrugged. “I’m just saying. It seems disrespectful to be all, ‘God is awesome! God is awesome!'”

“It is NOT!” Allison stomped her foot. “You’re just jealous that I got to go to Vacation Bible School and you didn’t! So SHUT! UP! you big, fat meanie!”

“Is that what Jesus would say?”

Hannah giggled again.

Not to brag, but I’ve always had a pretty good sense of timing, and by the steam I could practically see coming out of Allison’s ears, I was sensing that this was a particularly fitting time to join the conversation. I came the rest of the way down the stairs and distracted my youngest daughter with a “Hi, there, cutie!’ and a hug.

I hope you admire my restraint when I tell you I resisted the urge to tell her that her brother and sister were clearly jealous of her success in the Lord, since she was down with G-O-D and filled with Christ’s love. (Hoo! Saved. Funny flick, that.) But I digress.

“Watch what we do after we sing songs,” she ordered just before she tore a brand new VBS straw cowboy hat off her head and waved it around with zeal, while she yelled, “Yeeeehaaaaw!” Then she pointed to a small goody bag she had placed on the table before launching into song and dance. “I got goodies, too,” she told me proudly.

I picked up the bag and pulled a small blue teddy bear out of it. “What’s this?” I examined it a little more closely. “Oh. It says ‘Jesus’ all over it. It’s a Jesus bear. A bear made out of Jesus cloth.” I looked up at Allison. “So, what’s up with the Jesus bear?”

Allison smiled at me. And not an Oh, Momma, you’re so cool smile, but more of an Oh, Momma, I’ll miss you in heaven, you Godless savage smile. “Um… we worship him?”

“The bear?” Tanner asked, oh-so-innocently.

“JESUS!” Allison yelled.

I may have giggled. I don’t know. It all happened so fast.


Allison’s spiritual high eventually calmed a bit and I was able to put the kids to bed without any more instances of religious persecution.


I tell you what. Learning to dealing with the aftermath of Vacation Bible School euphoria? Steep learning curve, my friends. That’s all I’m saying. STEEP.

The HELL you say?!

June 28, 2007

You let me down, my peeps. Why didn’t anyone TELL me?! Huh?! My Secret Greek Idol Luvah gets an actual, honest-to-goodness acting part–with lines and e’rything!– on a popular daytime soap opera, and you don’t give me a heads-up? What’s up with that? A little “Okay, so Constantine is neither Bold nor Beautiful, but did you hear he was cast anyway?”? Or perhaps a quick “Hey, Cat, guess what!”? Honestly. A little courtesy, my peeps!


This is completely unacceptable. I mean, do I ask too much? Do I?! GOSH.

It’s almost as if you don’t care anymore.

Perfect Day

June 26, 2007

So, when your day starts with a wicked clumsy lady bursting through a doorway– all willy-nilly-like– and accidentally flinging a cup of frakking HOT but just less than scalding coffee all over you, your iPod, and your brand new, super cute gingham blouse and stylish business-casual dress shorts, and said coffee runs in rivulets down your arms and legs and drips into your computer bag, and you spend the next twenty minutes scrubbing coffee out of your bag and your clothing while stressing about the possible detrimental implications of coffee breaching the protective pink iSkin barrier of your iPod… well, you know it’s going to be a long, LONG day.

And when the preternaturally frigid air-conditioner kicks in, chilling your entire water-soaked left side to the core, well, that’s just the capper.

“The best part of waking up” my–! well, you know the rest.

Damn you, Folgers. Damn you to hell.


Instant Star: Just for the heck of it.

June 23, 2007

I found a karaoke video on YouTube, and I just couldn’t resist. Honestly. Who even knew they HAD karaoke videos on YouTube?! MAN! They have EVERYTHING! I mean, have you seen the South Park version of the Mac/PC commercials floating around? HIIII-larious! (I’ve got a link around here somewhere…) But, see?! Everything! GOSH.

So, anyway, this is a song from Instant Star. And, duh, I am NOT a professional singer. Like, at ALL. Seriously. Simon Cowell would laugh at me and throw erasers at me. And tell me I’m dreadfully awful, pip pip! Cheerio! Except probably not that last “pip, pip” part.

But whatever! It’s all about the KARAOKE FUN! Shut up! It IS! GOOD TIMES! With the singing! And the mocking! HOO!

Right, then. This is me– Cat– covering a song by Alexz Johnson called “I Don’t Know If I Should Stay.”

(Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Happy birthday, TGIM!

June 20, 2007

To TGIM, who had to be away from his family for his birthday…

Tanner says: Yo, father. Hi. Happy birthday. I hope you pass your training!

Hannah says: Hi-lo. Happy birfday.

Allison says: Yo, Daddy! How you doin’, Daddy? Happy birthday, Daddy! I hope you pass your training (just like Tanner), Daddy!

Cat says: We love you, big guy. And miss you! Have fun at training, and hurry home, mm’kay?


Alli adds: Momma and Daddy sitting on a train! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Tanner in the baby carriage. That’s not all, that’s not all! Here comes Hannah playing basketball! That’s not all, that’s not all! Here comes Alli kicking a soccer ball!

(Thank you for that lovely biology lesson, Allison. I hope we have all learned a little something here today…)

Next Page »