Coke Pants? Well, of all the luck!
July 31, 2007 · Print This Article
I gave up Diet Dr. Pepper three days ago. Add PMS to the caffeine deprivation and you’ve got a Desperate Working Momma wearing some seriously cranky pants!
Speaking of pants…
I am vexed. Lindsay Lohan is vexing me!
As I stated previously, TGIM called me at work last week to keep me abreast (pun totally intended) of Lindsay Lohan’s drunken, coke-pants-fueled spiral into infamy and unemployment.
Lindsay’s party planner, chaperone, and sometimes mom, Dina, said Lindsay “sounded good,” according to… um, sources. She added, “You know, people slip. Hopefully, she’ll get back on the wagon and she’ll be fine.”
Oh, Dina.
Dina, Dina, Dina… Freaking mother of the year, that’s what you are.
But whatever. Get back on that wagon, Linds! Go on!
(Just so long as she doesn’t get behind the wheel of that wagon, am I right?)
But here’s the thing. Freshly minted Promises rehab center graduate LiLo allegedly wrote in an e-mail to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood, “I am innocent… did not do drugs, they’re not mine.”
You see, Lindsay claimed the coke-laden pants weren’t hers, but belonged to her (I’m assuming now former) friend.
Ratfink, much? Honestly.
(Of course the car she commandeered didn’t belong to her either, but that is tertiary to the umpteenth DUI and the borrowed coke pants, yo?)
In any event, the pants? Not hers. Which begs the question: why in God’s name is LiLo wearing other people’s pants? Doesn’t she like her own pants anymore? Are her pants uncomfortable? Is there too much crap in her own pants pockets, weighing her down?
Personally, I like my own pants. My pants are comfy. My pants are hand-selected to flatter my chassy badassy bedonkadonk. And except for the occasional monetary windfall, I know what I’m carrying around in my pants pockets.
In all honesty, I cannot remember the last time I borrowed a friend’s pants for a night of drunken, coke-panted, highspeed car chasing. Probably not since high school! Minus the drunken, coke-panted, highspeed car chasing part, naturally. Just the pant-borrowing part.
Well, with the notable exception of that time a few months ago when Paige and I were filming a Veronica Mars Rewind podcast and eating junk food into the wee hours of the night and I ate too much Chubby Hubby and had to borrow a pair of Juicy trackpants in order to be more comfy while I finished off the Turtle Chocolate Check Mix, but the trackpants I borrowed didn’t even have pockets, so it really doesn’t apply in this case.
All I’m saying is that it seems to me that the problem with borrowing someone else’s pants is that when you put them on, you’re instantly and unwittingly weighed down with all the crap they’ve left in their own pockets. You’re stuck lugging around someone else’s baggage. Their baggage es su baggage. And why would you want to do that?
Frankly, my cranky pants are heavy enough.
I will wear your cranky pants if they get to heavy for you. Cuz, I got your back (or your bedonkadonk). But since my cranky pants are pretty full, I may have to check with my TGIM first.
Not to mention, I’m sure she can afford plenty o’ pants for herself..without borrowing another’s pair o’ pants. Were celebrity girls doing this stuff when we were younger? Maybe we just weren’t finding out about it, but I do not remember them getting into this much trouble. Brooke Shields didn’t do any jailtime. Pheobe Cates didn’t either. And Melissa Gilbert from Little House? No trouble there that I remember. The wholesomeness has gone right out the window..sigh
Can I borrow your pants…mine…are…umm…in the dryer.
Based on what we have seen from LiLo and her “friends”, should we be concerned over the coke OR should we be concerned about whether or not she wore panties with the jeans she borrowed? That sounds like and infection waiting to happen. Am I wrong?
Haha! This post totally cracked me up.
The pants were borrowed. Suuuuuuure.