Thank you for not sticking your nose in my uterus.
August 9, 2007 · Print This Article
My good friend Kelly over at Klog wrote of an experience she had last weekend at a hotel when an uppity hotel employee who was supposed to be restocking the continental breakfast bar began to harass her and her hubby Rob for a bit about their duty to procreate.
No, seriously. She was neglecting the bagel bin to harass them! Honestly. I would have been all, “Hey! Stop your yammerin’ and gimmee my bagel, lady! I’m HUNGRY!… Oh, and do you have any more of those little cream cheese packets?” (I’m a little testy when I’m hungry. Low blood sugar, and all that.) But that is so not the point.
While I was appalled at the effrontery of the neglectful bagel re-stocker, I will admit that I definitely think it’s natural for people to go all Pregnancy Patrol and say things like, “Oooh, y’all are so cute! You’d have the prettiest babies!… so what’s up with that?” It has something to do with the human imperative to procreate. Oh, and that categorical imperative which requires that nosy people get all up in a person’s bidness. And I do think there is a compliment in there somewhere. People think you’re pretty! And would have cute babies! At the very least… flattering, right? Not that flattery will get up at two a.m. to feed a hungry baby, but still… you’re pretty!
However… while perfect strangers have every right to see a cute young couple and think something along those lines, it is a very different thing altogether to express said thoughts aloud. So very inappropriate! Good lord. I agree with you, Kelly. People DO need to stay the hell out of a person’s uterus, the bizzyotches. I vote that you go with the “I have sex JUST for fun” t-shirt. Think of all the fun confrontations… I mean, conversations that bad boy would cause! Am I right? (I like the “Thank you for not sticking your nose in my uterus” slogan idea, but I think it may leave things too open to interpretation… oh, you know who you are! **cough**NILBO**cough**)
On the flip side:
If you’re me, you get, “Good lord. Are all those yours? [insert look of abject horror] Wait… you don’t plan on having any more of them, do you?”
Or– if you’re a part of TGIM’s family– you get, “When are you having more?!”
Coincidentally, just the other day as I sat in a salon chair staring with fascination at the sticky, tin foil faux hawk my stylist was creating with her crazy mad hair-coloring skillz, the usual questions began. And, as usual, they drifted into kid territory.
“What?! You have three kids?! THREE?! Wow! When did you start having babies? When you were twelve?! HA! HA! HA! How old are they?… Oh my GOD! Did you MEAN to have them so close together like that?! That’s crazy!… Hey! Can you believe she has THREE kids?! Yep! THREE! She looks twelve, right?! HA!”
At this point, everyone in the salon was sneaking stealthy yet totally obvious peeks at me, the crazy lady, the abnormally fertile momma. Hey. Don’t get me wrong. I like attention as much as the next attention whore, but at that moment, strangely, I was wondering why it is that the earth never opens up and swallows you whole when you WANT it to? Because honestly… where could I go? With the freaky foil faux hawk? And the prolific procreation skills?
But then my hair turned out all cute and stuff, so I was like, “Eh. That’s me. I’m a child-birthing fool… with some super cute hair! Take that, loudmouthed, rude stylist who I will totally be coming back to because LOOK AT MY HAIR! Cuteness.”
So, you see? The madness? Sorry, Kelly. Babies or not, it never ends.
Comments
8 Responses to “Thank you for not sticking your nose in my uterus.”
Got something to say?
First, I would buy either of those shirts! I think there is a real market out there. Seriously, you print and I’ll buy! Second, I can relate to Kelly. Hubby and I started saying, “Well, we were going to have kids…(insert sad faces), until…the accident…(shameful look down at the floor, aaaand scene). People feel so uncomfortable, they just walk away. Third, I would endure an hour of nails on a chalk bored for cute hair…you’ve got your priorities in the right place lady!!!
I would take it that you tipped the stylist well for the cute haircut and the Compliment.
What I think is really interesting is that there’s a point where people start being appalled that a person is STILL having kids. Mrtl and I discussed this recently, and we concluded that there is a very small # of children window (1-4) that is considering socially acceptable, and anything less or more than that draws scorn. For some reason this fascinates me.
I should add that, as you note, even if you’re within the window, you still get harassed. But people get downright judgmental if you have 0 or 5+ kids.
A fellow blogger recently posted about a stranger asking if she and her partner are monogamous. You can imagine my friend’s shock (as the question came out of no where). Some people just don’t get it.
I got the same kinda guff from my hairstylist yesterday…”WHAT?? YOU HAVE AN 18 YO **and** A 15 YO?? But you’re JUST a baby!”
Yeah..I suppose I should have been flattered, but you know..just cut my hair and leave the judgements out of it. So I started young..so what..I’m one of the “success stories” so let it go…
Sadly, my hair did not turn out cute..I’ll be looking for a new stylist.
Stacie
I think the window is actually shrinking on the upper end. The fact that we have FOUR kids never fails to elicit some kind of shock.
Oh, just imagine what I’ve heard having 9!!!!!! At 3 people started to have big opinions. It only got worse from there. But at 6, my attitude changed (or I was older and sick of people considering me a reckless breeder) and I’ve had some better come-backs and a thicker skin.