Taking [Control] of the ‘Net with [Control] + F

Yo, yo, yo, DWM dawgs! A new TechnoGeekery Quickie episode is up:

TechnoGeekery Quickie #2: Taking [Control] of the ‘Net

Don’t you hate it when you type a word or phrase into Google search (or some other search engine) and you get thousands of results, but when you click on a promising link, there is a lot more… stuff on the page than you bargained for? Stuff you are forced to skim, searching for that word or phrase? So much STUFF! “Oh,” you say to yourself, “if only there were an easy way to weed through all the words words WORDS so I could easily and efficiently locate the word or phrase I typed into Google search in the first place…”

Wait. There IS an easy way!

Honestly. What are the chances?

Click, watch, learn.

Global Warming: It’s the Cows, Not Us

Over lunch, TD turned to me and stated, all conversational-like, “Momma, I really don’t get the big deal about global warming.”

“Oh, okay, well–” I started, gearing up for my “will life on the planet survive the eco-destructive tendency of humans” conversation (which… DUH!), but my boy? He wasn’t quite finished with that thought yet.

“I mean, c’mon. Who really cares about our descendants a thousand years from now? What’s up with that?”

Fact: Tacos don’t taste quite as good when they are inhaled into your sinus passages due to sudden snorts of laughter. Just so you know. As my eyes began to water–those spices BURN going up, I tell you what!–I turned to TGIM for a little help.

“What’s up with that, indeed,” TGIM replied, rubbing the top of TD’s head playfully. “I’m with you. Who cares about our future generations?”

“Plus, you know what else is contributing to global warming?” TD asked, looking to make sure he had our undivided attention. “Cow burps,” he crowed triumphantly.

“Ew!” Hannah squealed.

“Gross,” added Alli.

“Well, sure,” TGIM agreed.

Fact: I am never going to be able to enjoy a taco again. Oh, the agony! In my sinuses! Thanks a WHOLE lot, TGIM. Gosh!

TD looked at me, trying to gauge whether I was in agreement, or whether I was mocking him with my uncharacteristic silence, which he did not appear to notice was due to some serious food mastication issues. “I mean, we’ll all be dead, anyway, right?” he said. “DEAD.”

I finally choked down the taco. “As doornails,” I answered. “And why? Because of a bunch of stinking cows chewing genetically engineered alfalfa and burping up methane gas, that’s why!”

“True dat,” TGIM concurred solemnly. “True dat.”

Honestly. Family conversations over dinner? Rock solid!

I love a good teaching opportunity. What can I say? That’s just the kind of momma I am.

But I WANT a Chocolate Teapot!

In a conversation this morning I instinctively used the idiom, “Perhaps you could put a bug in her ear about pushing those papers through clearance.” And then I was like, “Ew.” Because the bug? In the ear? What’s that all about?

It’s a phrase without rhyme and reason, that’s all I’m saying!

In any event, there is a new episode of TechnoGeekery up at TechnoGeekery.com. Yep! You heard it right from the horse’s mouth. I’m not saying you to need to go hell for leather to check out the vidcast, I’m just saying you don’t want to be a day late and a dollar short.

I have to admit that lately I’ve been paralyzed with indecision. I’ve been so afraid I would drop the ball and let down my TechnoGeeks that this vidcasting thing has almost become an albatross around my neck. On the one hand, I knew that he who hesitates is lost. But then I remembered that haste makes waste. Eventually I chose to stick to my game plan, although I did change things up a bit. That’s right… we’re going on a FIELD TRIP!

Keep in mind that unasked Burning Techno Questions are as much use to me as a chocolate teapot. So get your ducks in a row and drop me a line, for goodness Pete’s sake.

Poster Boy for Term Limits in Congress

(AKA: More o’ dat Questionable Political Commentary I’m always bragging about…)

Congressman Pete Stark? Watch closely now.

Here’s the line:
_____________________________________________________________

a

a

a

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n

d

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Here’s you.

Only Seriously Snarky TV Viewers Need Apply (Part II)

With regards to this post requesting interested parties to email me about co-hosting a brand-spankin’-new weekly audio podcast TV Rewind ramma-lamma-bing-bang (I’m looking for several hosts, by the way, not just one), I was reminded by a hopeful future podcaster that I left out the following shows that we may want to discuss:

The Bachelor, Survivor, and Nip/Tuck.

My bad! Any others?

Trouble With a Capital T

As I came downstairs I heard Alli yelling from the living room to her brother in the kitchen, “Tanner! What’s a PIN number?!”

What the…? I thought and hurried the rest of the way downstairs. This couldn’t be good. I mean, eight-year-old? PIN number? Add those together and what do you have? Um, that would be trouble, with a capital TROUBLE. And a heaping side of potential bank fraud, too, don’t let’s forget that! Hoo! Super-size me!

I walked into the living room and found Alli seated in front of the computer where she was supposed to be playing on Everythinggirl.com. I say “supposed to be” because as the computer screen came into view, I saw that Alli had apparently been super busy typing private phone information into a questionnaire she had stumbled upon online, and was now anxiously awaiting this mysterious PIN number thingymabob that was supposed to be sent to her via something called text messaging.

“Allison!” I hissed. “Did you… Ohmygosh, did you type our phone number in the computer?!”

She looked at me with wide, totally guilty eyes. She blinked once. Twice. Then, “Uh… oops?”

I launched into my well-prepared (yet apparently ill-received) lecture about how we NEVER give personal information out on the internet. Then, as I grilled her on what phone number she had actually given out, I glanced back at the screen and noticed for the first time exactly what it was she was filling out on screen.

I stopped mid-sentence and stared at the pink hearts, loopy cursive love notes, and faux-penciled doodles that filled the screen, all tweenagery slambook-style. “‘Am I Dateable?’!” I finally read from the big letters blazoned across the computer screen, my voice a question, but not in the spirit the question was intended. I mean, of course I’m dateable. But this is so not about me. I looked at Allison, who had suddenly slumped so far back into the couch cushions as to become one with the furniture, “Are you freaking kidding me?”

“Heh-heh?” was all Alli had to say for herself.

Tanner and Hannah ran into the living room, looked at the computer screen, and began to laugh. Loud, uproarious laughter. Belly shaking laughter. It was contagious. When Alli said, “Oh! I thought it said, ‘Am I Detable’?” I couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Detable?” I snorted, wiping away tears. “What does that even mean?”

“Whatever, Alli,” said Tanner, obviously disgusted by such transparent guile.

“You… are so… busted!” Hannah gasped between giggles.

Of course, I eventually settled down and resumed my lecture on proper ‘netiquette, and brought it all home with a firm, “And incidentally, you are only eight years old, so no, you are not in any way, shape, or form, ‘dateable.’ Capisce?”

The rest of the evening, every so often someone would suddenly ask, “Hey. Am I dateable?” and we would all burst into giggles again.

Now the kids are in bed, and I’m anxiously awaiting TGIM’s homecoming. Because I’m pretty sure he has a mysterious PIN number thingymabob waiting on his phone, and honestly, who am I to let a perfectly good PIN number go to waste?

Only Seriously Snarky TV Viewers Need Apply

If you are a pop culture junkie and are interested in joining a weekly audio podcast (via Skype, which is free and I can totally help you install it) that will provide episode recaps, offbeat opinions, and the inside scoop about the hottest shows on TV, send me an email and I will send you more details.

FYI: Possible shows that we would discuss each week (naturally, you wouldn’t have to watch all of them):

Dramas:
Bionic Woman
Bones
Chuck
CSI (any)
Desperate Housewives
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Ghost Whisperer
Grey’s Anatomy
Heroes
House
Law and Order (any)
Lost
My Name is Earl
The Office
One Tree Hill (as much as it pains me)
Private Practice
Pushing Daisies
Reaper
Prison Break
Smallville
Supernatural
Ugly Betty
(and possibly Gossip Girl)

Sitcoms:
30 Rock
Aliens in America
Back to You
Big Bang Theory
Everbody Hates Chris
How I Met Your Mother

Reality:
So You Think You Can Dance
Dancing with the Stars
America’s Next Top Model
American Idol (2008)
(any others?)

Ponytails Be Gone

Chopped!

And, you know… blonde.

On a completely different note, the way the four desks in my cubicle space are set up situates all of our phones at close proximity to one another. Because of this, my colleagues often unwittingly throw me into the realm of Too Much Information. Oh, you know what I’m talking about. You’ve had those phone conversations at work! Don’t lie! The ones you think no one can hear? But people actually CAN? Hear them, that is? As a result, when friends or family get in touch with me while I’m at work, I am so inhibited by the thought of being overheard that I am forced to take on a voice reminiscent of the soothing, pillow-talky, late-night radio personality voices of yore, which inevitably provokes the person on the other line to demand, “Hey, are you mad at me? No? Depressed? Sick? What’s wrong with your voice?” And I have to patiently (and quietly) explain, “No, dummy, I’m at WORK.”

And that is no small feat, I tell you what. Because I am normally a Loud Talker on the phone, you see, and apparently my abnormally calm, oh-so-easy-on-the-ears voice freaks people the hell out.

Personally, I’m thinking this desk formation violates the fundamental principles of Feng shui. I don’t know about my co-workers, but I’m worried about my ch’i.

Technical Difficulties

Internet tomorrow! Internet tomorrow! INTERNET TOMORROW!

But I still totally hate Verizon with the flaming passion of a thousand suns. Hot ones.

To tide y’all over, how ’bout the latest TechnoGeekery episode?

TechnoGeekery Show #8: Subscribe to Vidcasts in iTunes (Everybody’s Doing It)

Internet TOMORROW!

*phew*

DWM Internet Outage, Day 10

OR

“I Hate Verizon with a Flaming Passion.” Whichever.

That being said…

PNME 2007 concert
Originally uploaded by Scott Stys

Man. Paige and I frakkin’ KNOW how to work the booty voodoo, I tell you what. (Sorry, no video… yet. Ooooh! That’s what you call a teaser, y’all!)

Why, yes I DO realize we are big dorks. Why do you ask?

*sigh*

And HA!

Lee Coulter totally loves my booty shaking.

Okay, so highlight of my trip out to Cali? Where I travelled to network and generally Pimp My TechnoGeekery Vidcast at the PNME? Watching Lee Coulter perform Booty Voodoo (and all his other songs o’ course) LIVE, that’s what! So Paige and I could get down. You know, with the booty shaking and whatnot?

Obviously, we made an impression.

“Keep Shaking Da Booty”

Strangely enough, one time all the girls DO say, “Ho!”

Hey. This love ain’t for the faint-hearted.

(More to come…)