Oh, CRAP!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! What does this MEAN?! How shall I COPE?!

Must! Have! TV!

That being said, the following is a faithful re-telling of a fellow soccer momma’s “Oh, crap!” moment, thanks to her five-year-old daughter and her mad rhyming skillz:

FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD SOCCER FIELD – MORNING – ESTABLISHING

Lawn chairs and coolers dot soccer fields in a well-kept suburban neighborhood, where soccer moms, bleary-eyed coaches, and autumn leaves litter the dusty, trampled-down grass fields.

EXT. SIDELINES – MORNING

Parents, siblings, and the occasional family pet clutter up the sidelines of a soccer game in progress. It’s the final game of the season. Shouts and whistles can be heard in the background as MOTHER, 30-ish, is attempting to watch the game and entertain her DAUGHTER, 5– an energetic little girl sporting pigtails, OshKosh B’Gosh, and some serious attitude– by playing the rhyming game.

MOTHER
…okay, now how about a word
that rhymes with “new”?
Starts with “m”?

DAUGHTER
Moo!

MOTHER
Good! How about an “b”?

DAUGHTER
Boo!

MOTHER
Okay, let’s try another word.
How about a word that rhymes
with “me”?

A cheer erupts from the sidelines as one of the Stingrays kicks a goal.

DAUGHTER
(distracted)
…um…

MOTHER
I love to drink this…
(no answer)
I drink it all the time…
(still nothing)
Okay, listen:
“I drink coffee, I drink…”

DAUGHTER
(triumphant)
WINE!

Stifled laughter erupts from parents in the vicinity.

MOTHER
(suddenly defensive)
No!
(then)
Okay, yes, honey, sometimes I drink
wine. Um… why don’t you go see Daddy
for a few minutes? Good girl…

And… SCENE.

I know, right?

BEST. RHYMING GAME. EVER.