The Day Has Come! Oh EVIL Day!

September 26, 2008

It’s here! It’s time! It’s arrived! The Day! The Evil Day! YEEEEEES!

*ahem* I’m totally cool and collected and not out-of-control-excited AT ALL.

So… yes. The Evil League of Evil is finally accepting applications. Right? DUDE. I’m only saying!

Naturally I have had my application at the ready for MONTHS, so my “Horrible Evil Sidekick” video is up and Super Evil Chassy is ready to kick boo-TAY and take names and… other horrible, water-related evil stuff!

Thanks to Charlotte and Sue and my friend Jen for the heads-up. Apparently, my Dr. Horrible Newsletter announcing the opening with the ELE got lost in the email or something! Yo! What up, Dr. H?!

The following is my official application to the Evil League of Evil. I think it’s pretty solid this year.

Dear Evil League of Evil:

Here’s my application! I ain’t no stinkin’ henchman!

FYI: I can help with any kind of water-related evil. You know, with the evil goggles of watery evilness and whatnot? Water boarding, Chinese water torture, synchronized swimming… the works.

Hmmm… Was that too braggy?

In any event:

That’s it. Fingers crossed.

XOXO Gossip Girl Rawks!

September 24, 2008

Lily getting what she deserves for being so ridiculous as to pick Bart-the-father-of-I’m-Chuck-(the evil spawn)-Bass over cute ol’ Rufus? Awesome.

Little J getting what she deserves for daring to cross Queen Bee? QUEEN FREAKING BEE?! Super awesome.

Vanessa getting what she deserves for… well, just being totally annoying, not to mention wearing children’s art supplies as accessories and sporting the weed-WACK ‘do? All is right in the Gossip Girl World.

But Dan? Self-righteously and undeservedly lashing out at Serena? And essentially calling her a spoiled rich slut? One too many times, I might add? And telling her to own up to it? And totally unleashing the righteous fury of a Queen S scorned?! And getting the public humiliation smackdown his tortured, I’m-So-Misunderstood-and-Poor-and-Blah-Blah-Self-Righteous-Blahdy-Blah self so richly deserves?! From the newly reborn Serena who is now the scariest freaking badass ever?!

So! Freaking! AWESOME! You go, Badass Serena. But go easy on Blair, mm’kay? She’s had it rough, with her Lord totally doing it with his stepmom and all.

Oh, how I’ve missed you, oh television goodness. Promise to NEVER go away again.

No Assembly Required

September 19, 2008

There’s nothing like heading off to work when one’s head feels ten times too large for one’s body, all heavy and congested and whatnot, and that is not to even mention the sneezing and the hacking cough an the achiness radiating thoughout one’s body. And by “one’s” I mean “MINE.”

Yup. I’m like a limited edition Sick Bobblehead Chassy Cat.

On clearance.

Why, Nutzilla, What Big Acorns You Have…

September 15, 2008

FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – AFTERNOON – ESTABLISHING

Late summer leaves litter the sidewalk in a quiet, kempt suburban neighborhood.

EXT. SIDEWALK – AFTERNOON

It’s the time of day when the air cools enough for a comfortable afternoon walk. Cars passing by can be heard in the background as MOMMA walks with her DAUGHTERS, MACK, 10, a thoughtful, artistic girl with an eye out for acorns and large sticks, and ALLI, 9, an energetic girl sporting pigtails, Heelies, and some serious attitude. The conversation is already in progress, and MOMMA appears to be listening to ALLI’s chatter, but just barely.

Momma and Mack walk out in front, while Alli rolls around behind on her Heelies.

ALLI
… and then this whole group of squirrels totally ganged up on me and threw acorns at me!

MOMMA
Hmmm. Interesting.

MACK
Well, maybe you shouldn’t throw berries at them first, then.

MOMMA
(paying attention now)
You threw berries at squirrels?

ALLI
They started it!

MOTHER
O-kay.

MACK
Whatever. Squirrels just started throwing acorns at you. Right.

ALLI
Yes. They do that.

Momma and Mack walk on as Alli continues to chatter.

ALLI
… and, hey, Momma, what if there were giant squirrels throwing acorns at us, huh, Momma? That would be so crazy, right, Momma?

MOMMA
(totally paying attention… except not)
Mm-hmm. Crazy.

A MAN walks up the sidewalk from his parked car. Momma and Mack move aside to allow him to pass.

ALLI
(lost in her imagination)
… yeah, so there’d be this giant squirrel, Momma? And he’d be named Nutzilla and he’d have nuts as big as soccer balls!

Momma blinks. One feels that she is acutely aware of the Man’s wide-eyed, what-kind-of-mother-ARE-you glance as he passes by; she bites her lip and looks resolutely forward. Then,

MACK
Oh dear…

That’s it. Momma’s stifled laughter erupts into full-on belly laughter as Mack begins to giggle. After a moment, Alli joins in.

MOMMA
(holding her stomach)
Oh! Oh! It hurts! My stomach! To laugh!

MACK
Nutzilla! Nutzilla!

MOMMA
With nuts! As big as SOCCER BALLS! His face! Did you see his face?!

The three pause on the sidewalk as Momma and Mack double over with shrieks of laughter. Alli laughs too, but less enthusiastically. Then Alli taps Momma on the arm.

ALLI
(still giggling)
Why are we laughing?
(looking from Momma to Mack)
Huh? Why are we laughing?

MACK
Oh DEAR! Nuts!

MOMMA
(wiping aways tears)
AS BIG AS SOCCER BALLS!

The two burst into fresh whoops of laughter as Alli looks on.

ALLI
(with arms akimbo)
Well, I still don’t get it.

Alli’s confused eyes are focused on Momma and Mack, who are wiping tears of laughter from their eyes.

ALLI
(to herself)
I don’t get it.

And… SCENE.

I know, right?

WORST. MOMMA. EVER.

And BWAH HA!

She Was There

September 11, 2008

This blog entry, written by Sarah Bunting (AKA: Sars of TWoP fame), is still the the best account I have ever read of the 9/11 attack in NYC– is “best” the right word here? I don’t know, I don’t know– from the point of view of a person who was there. Who watched it happen.

She wrote this account on Friday, September 14, 2001.

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