Why, Nutzilla, What Big Acorns You Have…

FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – AFTERNOON – ESTABLISHING

Late summer leaves litter the sidewalk in a quiet, kempt suburban neighborhood.

EXT. SIDEWALK – AFTERNOON

It’s the time of day when the air cools enough for a comfortable afternoon walk. Cars passing by can be heard in the background as MOMMA walks with her DAUGHTERS, MACK, 10, a thoughtful, artistic girl with an eye out for acorns and large sticks, and ALLI, 9, an energetic girl sporting pigtails, Heelies, and some serious attitude. The conversation is already in progress, and MOMMA appears to be listening to ALLI’s chatter, but just barely.

Momma and Mack walk out in front, while Alli rolls around behind on her Heelies.

ALLI
… and then this whole group of squirrels totally ganged up on me and threw acorns at me!

MOMMA
Hmmm. Interesting.

MACK
Well, maybe you shouldn’t throw berries at them first, then.

MOMMA
(paying attention now)
You threw berries at squirrels?

ALLI
They started it!

MOTHER
O-kay.

MACK
Whatever. Squirrels just started throwing acorns at you. Right.

ALLI
Yes. They do that.

Momma and Mack walk on as Alli continues to chatter.

ALLI
… and, hey, Momma, what if there were giant squirrels throwing acorns at us, huh, Momma? That would be so crazy, right, Momma?

MOMMA
(totally paying attention… except not)
Mm-hmm. Crazy.

A MAN walks up the sidewalk from his parked car. Momma and Mack move aside to allow him to pass.

ALLI
(lost in her imagination)
… yeah, so there’d be this giant squirrel, Momma? And he’d be named Nutzilla and he’d have nuts as big as soccer balls!

Momma blinks. One feels that she is acutely aware of the Man’s wide-eyed, what-kind-of-mother-ARE-you glance as he passes by; she bites her lip and looks resolutely forward. Then,

MACK
Oh dear…

That’s it. Momma’s stifled laughter erupts into full-on belly laughter as Mack begins to giggle. After a moment, Alli joins in.

MOMMA
(holding her stomach)
Oh! Oh! It hurts! My stomach! To laugh!

MACK
Nutzilla! Nutzilla!

MOMMA
With nuts! As big as SOCCER BALLS! His face! Did you see his face?!

The three pause on the sidewalk as Momma and Mack double over with shrieks of laughter. Alli laughs too, but less enthusiastically. Then Alli taps Momma on the arm.

ALLI
(still giggling)
Why are we laughing?
(looking from Momma to Mack)
Huh? Why are we laughing?

MACK
Oh DEAR! Nuts!

MOMMA
(wiping aways tears)
AS BIG AS SOCCER BALLS!

The two burst into fresh whoops of laughter as Alli looks on.

ALLI
(with arms akimbo)
Well, I still don’t get it.

Alli’s confused eyes are focused on Momma and Mack, who are wiping tears of laughter from their eyes.

ALLI
(to herself)
I don’t get it.

And… SCENE.

I know, right?

WORST. MOMMA. EVER.

And BWAH HA!