Stepping Up – It’s Still Strange

July 31, 2013

I know that I’ve mentioned this a few times (like here and here), and I’ve been known to wax eloquent on the general trippiness of moving staircases, but that is only because they kind of freak me out. Sometimes. It happens all sudden-like, is all I’m saying, and then I’m like, DUDE. And then I’m all, escalators are weird.

Like today.

I can’t help it! I mean, moving walkways I totally get. When I’m at the airport I am always on the lookout for those bad boys, and I drag my kiddos along (“pass on the left!”), even if there’s the option for a shuttle, because it’s like I’ve got super powers that allow me to walk faster than all those poor suckers walking next to me on the normal walkway… without even expending any extra energy. I know, right?!

That is way cool.

Yep. So I’m just breezing by, all wooosh! So long, suckahs! Except I don’t actually gloat out loud or anything because that would be wrong and set a bad example for the children. But obviously I’m talking smack to the regular folks in my mind. You know, because of my super speediness and whatnot?

And despite the faint discombobulation I inevitably experience as I step off the walkway– you know, when the ground is suddenly still, stealing my momentum, but my body, nay, my very soul, is still moving forward, ever forward, in superhero light speed mode?– that split second of unbalance is so worth it for those few moments of (totally age-appropriate) fun!

So, yeah. I love me some moving walkways! Escalators, not so much.

Come on. Where’s the joy in passing people who are standing still? Huh? HUH?! Nowhere, that’s where! No joy! Utterly joyless, are escalators! And the people on the escalators, who aren’t moving, who aren’t stepping up, who are content to stand to the right– eyes glazed over or glued to a smartphone screen– and let unseen forces propel them towards their destination, well, they kind of freak me out, too. And I want to sprint up the escalator– ON MY OWN TERMS, damn it!– and stand at the top, where I can laugh with reckless abandon and shake my fist at the gods of hydraulic lift who DARED to think I was theirs to control! Unless that is a totally weird thing to want and/or think, in which case I am totally kidding, GOSH.

Anyway, I’m just saying. Escalators? Still strange.


Text Messaging Fun

July 30, 2013

I just received a mysterious text message from TGIM.

TGIM:  i just kerf

Okay. I’m not really sure what a kerf is, but I hope it’s something fun! Because TGIM deserves a little fun in his life. He’s such a great guy, and a–

–wait, here’s another!

TGIM: left  🙁


Desperate Working Momma 2.0

July 25, 2013

DWM 2.0. Coming soon, to a blog near you.

Huh. That announcement sounded way flashier in my head.

But you know what I mean, Internet. YOU know.