Making Lemonade

September 23, 2010

One perk of an EARLY morning commute? Check out that Harvest Moon. Right?! RIGHT?! HA! Woo! Take THAT, late sleepers! YEAH!

*end of glass half-full moment*

Open Letter to Metro Express Germ Guy

February 23, 2010

Hey, you there with the hacking cough. Guess what? Go on! GUESS! A newspaper is not a tissue, that’s what! Thus, your Express newspaper is spectacularly ineffective as a barrier for germs between your gross, snuffly, coughing self and me. And pretty much everyone else on the crowded Metro subway, of course, but mostly, this is about me. Your extreme grossness and how it affects me, specifically. Oh, and BTW? Said newspaper is especially ineffective when it is held several inches from your mouth as you cough. Does the word “duh” mean anything to you?! I mean, honestly. You aren’t fooling anyone with your lame, half-hearted attempt to deflect your germs from the grossed-out masses, buddy. Use a tissue! Or your elbow! A disposable face mask, even! I swear to God, if I get sick I will hunt you down and freaking kick you! Right in the shins! I am so serious. I will KICK YOU. Don’t think I won’t. Because I totally will. I’ll be all, “Kiai!” And then there will be a whole lot of shin pain going on. Truth.

In other news, your toupee looks as if it is trying to make a run for it. Let it go, man. Just… let it go.

Sunshine Day!

January 13, 2010

You know those days? You know… the awesome days? The sunshiney days Greg, Marsha, and the rest of the Brady gang memorialized in song? The days in which everything seems to go your way? Like, you wake up early enough to eat breakfast before leaving for work, so you start the day with a healthy meal and absolutely NOT vending machine Pop Tarts and a Diet Coke? Because, ew? And people are super pleasant on the train and don’t glare at you and get all huffy when you—totally by accident!—poke them with your extra long knitting needles which perhaps you aren’t entirely comfortable with yet and may be wielding a bit haphazardly? PERHAPS? And you remember to clip on your PIV card and your many building swipe cards and security badges before you head to a different floor to hand-deliver a report? And you don’t get all stuck and panicky in the stairwell until you remember that if you run all the way down to the lobby you may be able to catch the elevator back to your floor with someone who did NOT forget said security cards and whatnot? And you can get back to your desk any time you want, and do not find yourself outside the office door knocking on the glass until someone—who all the while is obviously judging you for being so careless—comes by to let you in? And you absolutely can’t wait to see what else such an awesome day will bring you, and you DON’T want to crawl into a hole with your Diet Coke and Pop Tarts until the angry, entirely NOT awesome day just goes AWAY? You know? Those days?

Today is so not one of those days.

Crouching Tiger, Metro-Style

January 6, 2010

Ah, yes.

This afternoon I got very out of control and played chicken with the Metro car’s sliding doors (which, incidentally are NOT like elevators doors, in that if you happen to get caught in them, they do NOT bounce back open, don’t ask me how I know, I just DO) because I was super tired and hungry and grumpy and a little stressed about the four mile run I still had to do– on an empty stomach, no lie! in the COLDNESS– and I totally HAD to get home, GOSH. So the warning chimes were ding-dinging and the recorded voice was all, “Doors closing,” but I was like, “Aw, hell to the no!”

Honestly. Only my mad ninja skills prevented me from a near crushing between absurdly quick-closing subway doors.

Take THAT, Metro railway car!

Fooyah.