Gosh. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I can hardly bear to say it. But the sad truth is…

Y’all? Yesterday evening? As I was leaving work? I… I… I was a public restroom cell phone user.

GAH! I know! RIGHT?! The SHAME.

Well CHECK IT OUT! I’m FAMOUS! SIX people have VOTED for me! SIX! As of RIGHT now! And only ONE of those was ME! FOOYAH!

Dude, I’m saying. Wonderflonium.com ROCKS, yo? Solid.

So, yeah… feel free to click over and vote for Super Evil Chassy’s quite compelling argument for a spot in the Evil League of Evil as Dr. Horrible’s Sidekick. And while you’re at it, head on over to YouTube and spread the love. Joss Whedon, I mean Dr. Horrible, MUST pick me! MEEEE!

The Horrible Evil Sidekick gig will be mine. Oh, yes. It WILL be mine.

Now excuse me. I need to go call everyone I know.

SIX. Woo!

Or, you know, refrain from composing a song to Dr. Horrible…

Shut up! It’s a sickness! Enjoy.

(This is also posted at YouTube, so feel free to click over and give me some luuuuv… or a video response! Whatev.)

We weren’t allowed to video tape TD’s musical, Roald Dahl’s Willy Wonka, (what is UP with that?! HUH?!) but hey! Who needs to tape the show from waaaaay back in the audience, when one’s kiddos have memorized the whole darn thing anyway, and commandeer the family computer for an afternoon to capture the entire show– up close and personal– for posterity? Not me, that’s who!

So, yeah. I have no actual tape of Tanner performing on stage as Charlie, but I have him (and his sisters) performing every other role in the musical– with FEELING, no less… so FOOYAH!

Yup. Feel free to take a quick peek at what it’s been like at MY house for the past five months.

Enjoy.

A legendary music video is in the works. I’m hoping to enter it in a contest and win some sweet prizes. Because I’m a huge geek?

Enjoy!

Or not. Whatev.

(BTW: Any thoughts on how to MAKE said Legendary Music Video would be much appreciated! I’m envisioning RockBand instruments… oh, AND a strobe light. Because, AWESOME?)

TechnoGeekery Quickie #6: Attaching Files to Email

In this one, I get down to basics and explain how to attach files– such as documents, pictures, or videos– to your emails. Because my TechnoGeeks ASKED me, that’s why! Now, we’ve gone over this before, people! Don’t MAKE me get out my guitar and write a song, yo?

In other news, TD and Paige‘s daughter, Kate, wrote, directed, starred in, and produced a short video for a children’s video festival they want to enter. They did this– from the script-writing to the camera work to the film editing– completely independently and are bizarre and genuinely hilarious in it.

For real. They have the best chemistry and comedic timing. I don’t know where they get this.

“What’s up with that?! Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Nothing perks an injured gal up more than an email from her friendly neighborhood Sheriff Lamb (AKA: Michael Muhney of Veronica Mars fame)! Of course, until a few days ago I thought the email from Sheriff Lamb, I mean Michael Muhney, was simply the product of my Percocet-induced loopy-doopy mind, but NO! He really WROTE to me! Out of the BLUE! Because he’s AWESOME! I mean, he wrote to me while dandling his newborn baby on his KNEE! And I can’t believe I just used the word “DANDLING”! Because who SAYS that?!

Of course, the contents of said email are private and close to my heart, so BACK OFF.

Anyway, now I’m feeling a bit nostalgic, so I thought I would re-post my interview –okay, FINE, Paige was there, too, but whatever– with the most awesome Michael Muhney, who is obviously, like, my BFF now, right? Right? Oh, BTW, Paige, Sheriff Lamb, I mean Michael Muhney, says, “Hi.” But whatever. He still likes me best. Clearly.

**Aside to My BFF, Michael Muhney, Intended to Display My Self-Importance: Michael Muhney, you know I think you rock. And since you apparently know Joss FREAKING Whedon (squeeee!) well enough to have actual conversations with him… *just breathe… breathe…*… well, here’s hoping he realizes how rockin’ you are, too. **

Man. I don’t remember the video being THAT long. But still? AWESOME!

Also, don’t forget to check out my — I mean, OUR (my bad, Paige!)– special tribute to Sheriff Lamb, lovingly produced after his life was cut tragically short by the almighty crack of a baseball bat to the head.

Really? Cool.

And that’s what we in the biz call a “teaser”… because a new TechnoGeekery vidcast is up:

TechnoGeekery #14: Podsafe Music… Pump Up the Volume!

And while Christian Slater may not make an actual appearance, Chassy Cat may have an emotional Mary Katherine Gallagher monologue moment or two during this particular podcast. Perhaps. I’m just saying. It could happen.

Superstar!!

That being said, I’ve been thinking about the future lately. Oh, not in a Saving For The Future kind of way, or an I Will One Day Backpack My Way Across Europe If It Is The Last Thing I Ever Do So Help Me GOD kind of way, but in the What The HELL Am I Doing With My LIFE way. You know. I know you know.

I blame TechnoGeekery.

Oh, yes. Yes, I do.

Here’s thing. I was approached, asked if I’d be interested in focusing my desire to create video podcasts into something with a little more purpose than PSA’s about Public Restroom Cell Phone Etiquette (I still stand by my original stance of *shudder*), and I was all, “Okay!”

Because I’m STUPID?

Here, let me tell you a secret: Me? I’m a bit of a perfectionist. No, really! Um… and a tad OCD. A smidge, really. Oh, and there’s the ADHD thing. So being the sole writer, cinematographer, film editor, director, producer, performer, musical coordinator, and PR person for a video podcast? A little time consuming. And–perhaps– a bit stressful. You know, at times. Or… most of the time.

So, while many audio podcasters may be able to set aside a few nights a week to record two or three episodes of their show per night, it is possible they may not have even a remotely accurate idea of the amount of time I put into one five-minute episode of TechnoGeekery.

See, it’s a chunk of time. A HUGE chunk. Big ol’ chunky chunk. Lots of chunk going on here.

And I can’t help wondering… well, what in the world is it all for? Why do I do it? Why do I fret over it? Will I look back on my life ten years from now and think, “Boy, HOWDY. I am so GLAD I spent all my free time making episodes of TechnoGeekery.” In the big scheme of things, how important is it to me that maybe–just perhaps– I made someone laugh? And maybe–just perhaps– I taught someone something they didn’t know? And if the answer to both of those questions is “pretty darn important,” the obvious question is then, “Is it important enough?”

And I’m not sure it is.

Especially when I stumble across a piece of writing like the following, which I wrote back in June of ’06 after seeing Shopgirl, and I am reminded of exactly where I want to be in ten years:

June 5, 2006

This weekend TGIM and I watched Steve Martin’s novella-turned-motion picture Shopgirl (which… great movie) and though it had moments of humor which one would expect from the guy who shall go down in infamy as That Guy Who Played The Jerk, the humor was quiet– subtle, even. Further, the movie truly said something, spoke truths, and conveyed this in an atmosphere that was slow and thoughtful and deeply affecting. It reminded me quite a bit of Lost in Translation, actually, in both pace and poignancy. Both movies star over-the-hill comedians in quirky, May-December relationships with beautiful young girls– and I do freely admit the thought of watching Steve Martin and Bill Murray playing any beautiful young girl’s crush/lover initially squicked me right out– but amazingly, they both pull it off, so yay them.

But most of all, both movies speak of loss and discovery and an emotional awakening in a way that I have come to realize I long to master in my own writing. But too often it seems that when I am writing and find myself faced with the choice of expressing myself in a thoughtful, subtle manner or in a humorous, bantering light, I inevitably choose to joke. And I joke because that’s just what I DO, I laugh, whether life brings me gifts of joy all tied up with pretty bows or bitch-slaps me and hands me bitter disappointment, I laugh and laugh and laugh. Then laugh some more. To be honest, I cry, also, but not in front of anyone, not so anyone can see, because what if people find out there are chinks in this laissez faire demeanor I’ve created– they could hurt me more, right? I don’t like anybody to see me cry. Much like my youngest daughter Alli, who when she hurts herself will inevitably jump up from the spill shouting, “I’m all right! I’m okay! That kind of tickled, actually!” even though we all know it hurt her and there are tears in her eyes and she is just saying it didn’t hurt so we will leave her alone and she can run away and cry in peace. In a way perhaps we are trying to say, “You can’t hurt me. Nothing can hurt me. I laugh at pain! Ha ha ha!”

So I write and I’m silly and whimsical and manic and almost always utterly tongue-in-cheek, and though I quite often express exactly what I am truly feeling, it is more often than not hidden away in evasive verbiage. Linguistic smoke and mirrors, if you will. And though I know emotional honesty does not always have to be slow or thoughtful and that poignancy and humor are not mutually exclusive, I wish sometimes I could find the words to illustrate what I really mean without resorting to silliness and feigned vapidity. To be starkly honest, to lay my heart out in words so you could actually feel it beating if you just listened closely enough, and you just KNOW. You feel me. Hear me.

Then, inevitably, I run off to watch an old episode of Buffy or Veronica Mars and I am lost in the witty quips and snarky banter, and awed by the sheer brilliance of the marriage between humor and poignancy in the writing, and I’m like, “Eh.”

Because although I sometimes yearn– burn, even– to write peaceful, thoughtful prose, yes, passages of deeply affecting language whose impact will stay with people for hours, days, even years after reading it, that is not who I am. I am impulsive and passionate, rarely peaceful. And I see life though a haze of sardonic humor and I can’t help but spill it out in my writing.

And I think I am finally coming to terms with that.

Grr! Stupid Shopgirl. Making me all meditative and whatnot. Bah! I’m off to eat a donut and shake off this silly moment of introspective sentimentalism… I’m thinking cinnamon cake.

Carry on.

TechnGeekery Quickie #5: Chores and Allowance… Taking it Techno

In this quick episode I discover that tiny mints and newly-applied lip gloss do not mix. Among other things, naturally.

In other news, TGIM came across this very familiar-looking verification code as he was surfing Ticketmaster for tickets to some– oh, I don’t know, sporting event of some sort, I guess?– so he got all excited (a little too excited if you ask me, come to think of it) and took a screenshot and shot it on over to me via email, all “Look! Look! Look what I came across! Kelly would like it because she’s awesome and I love her and did you read her blog today because she is so SO funny and hilarious and man IwishyouweremorelikeKellybecauseshe’ssoawesome, so check it out!” But maybe I might have hyperbole-ed up that last part, but he may as well have said it because it is what he MEANT. Don’t think I don’t know it. Because I know.

What? Oh! The verification code! Right. Focused now.

(click to enlarge)

Gosh, Kelly, even Ticketmaster has a thing for you.

Oh, and speaking of hyperbole, I NEED this t-shirt. Like… NOW, please:

Ha, ha, ha! Merry Christmas, everyone! HA, HA, HA!

Oh… didn’t you hear? In Australia, street Santas are being encouraged to replace “ho ho ho!” with “ha ha ha!” You know, because all that deep “ho ho ho!”-ing scares the children? Not to mention the blatant sexist connotations inherent in the traditional phraseology?

Then again, potentially any large man in a red velvet suit with a scraggly white beard could scare the everlovin’ bejeebies out of a child, especially when said child is coerced into sitting on the man’s lap while “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake!” blares in the background.

But that is totally beside the point. Belting out “ho ho ho!” at all those unsuspecting children? All they want is a candy cane, after all. That could damage a child’s psyche, that’s all I’m saying.

Yup. Leave it to Oz to straighten out Santa Claus and his Eurocentric, closed-minded, rigid value judgments. I mean, ‘ho’? And what about ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’? Hello? Who is he to say?! Huh? This is the 21st century, Santa. We don’t burden children with labels that could damage their self-esteem. We prefer “obedience-challenged” or “potentially disruptive on a large scale.” And EVERYONE gets a present. But I digress.

So, the family and I just finished singing a rousing chorus of ‘Rudolph the Differently-abled Reindeer-American,’ which is one of our favorite Holiday Ballads of Strictly Secular Joy. Those are always fun this time of year! Good times!

Aw, I kid. Kidding! My family and I are in fact quite full of the holiday spirit and are feeling extraordinarily thankful for the blessings we have received this year.

Speaking of blessings…

Top Ten Lambson Moments of 2007

10. Buying Guitar Hero and rocking out as a family. Need I say more?

9. Allison discovering acronyms, and-after hearing that I made bran muffins-skipping along behind me and happily yelling out for all the neighborhood to hear “Yay! Mom, Come on! Let’s go eat a BM!”

8. Hannah telling Tanner she loved him, just out of the blue, then-after Aaron and I finished cooing, “Aw!” and “How sweet!”-shrugging and admitting, “Yeah… that was an awkward moment.”

7. Breaking up with American Idol so we could have those three nights per week of our lives back.

6. Making wedding videos and Public Service Announcement vidcasts with the kiddos. Just for the heck of it.

5. Hannah yelling, “Momma! Swinging with the wind rushing over my toes is my favorite way to swing! (flinging hair as if she were the Breck Girl) With the wind in my hair!… While wearing a skort!”

4. Allison proudly showing off her new gerbil, then announcing, “One of them I thought had babies, but it was actually only his tentacles.” Then, after our explosion of laughter, insisting, “No! I’m not kidding, guys! Those tentacles were HUGE!”

3. Scoring an interview with actor Michael Muhney (AKA: Sheriff Lamb)-from my favorite TV show Veronica Mars-for my sleeper hit vidcast, Veronica Mars REWIND, (Michael Muhney says I “rock”… Booyah!)

2. Tanner auditioning for and WINNING the lead part of Charlie in his school’s musical production of Roald Dahl’s Willy Wonka.

1. Crawling into bed at the end of the day and cuddling up with a novel, smooshed between my kiddos–smelling of playground sweat and sunshine–eagerly devouring novels of their own, the only sound the whisper of turning pages, the rustle of blankets, and occasional bursts of laughter followed by silly passages read aloud for all to enjoy. No television. No phone. No computer. No radio. Just my kids and me tucked away from the world, immersed in worlds of our own… together.

And I mean this… happy holidays, y’all.

TechnoGeekery Quickie #2: Taking [Control] of the ‘Net

Don’t you hate it when you type a word or phrase into Google search (or some other search engine) and you get thousands of results, but when you click on a promising link, there is a lot more… stuff on the page than you bargained for? Stuff you are forced to skim, searching for that word or phrase? So much STUFF! “Oh,” you say to yourself, “if only there were an easy way to weed through all the words words WORDS so I could easily and efficiently locate the word or phrase I typed into Google search in the first place…”

Wait. There IS an easy way!

Honestly. What are the chances?

Click, watch, learn.

TechnoGeekery Show #7: Breaking Up With Blogger

This week, the question du jour asks about transferring all of one’s posts from one blog host to another. Well, you know how the song goes: They say that breaking up is hard to do…

But it doesn’t have to be like that, and this week’s episode of TechnoGeekery shows you how to break up with Blogger–and move right in with WordPress.com–in a snap.

Plus, there’s singing! And “Leave WordPress ALONE” gal! And did I mention the singing?! Super bad singing?! Because there’s that.

That being said, I’m off to California! I’m going back to Cali, to Cali, to Cali… Will I have time to blog? Huh! I don’t think so.

Oh, I kid! I’m attending the Podcast and New Media Expo in sunny CA with my Mommycast BFF’s (TechnoGeekery is part of their new Mommycast and Friends channel at Podango! Woo!) this weekend, so there will be bunches and bunches of technogeeks around playing with techno gadgets and vidcasting and blogging and stuff. I know, right?! Heaven on earth.

So, without further ado… the DWM Clan unleashes their mad lip-syncing skillz on an unsuspecting public with…

Apologize by Timbaland fea. One Republic.

Yeah, baby. Sit back and enjoy. We’re taking it Old School.

Um, I don’t know what that means, really, the Old School thing, but… cool!

Okay, so I’ve thought about it… and, well, who am I to deprive ANYONE of their God-given right to mock?! Just showing my voice and some pictures… what’s that all about?! Huh? Pshaw, right?

Plus, I was tired of TGIM calling me a big old chicken-sh… well, you know the rest.

In my defense, who can enjoy singing a song if you ain’t FEELING it, dawg?! Not me, that’s who! I’m not made of STONE!

So here you go, Mrtl (and TGIM). Mock my socks off.

Truthfully, this is a podcast geared toward the techno-challenged, produced by the techno… not-so-challenged. You know. It’s BASIC. Not like short-bus basic, but beginner basic. I just envision my momma as my target audience and away I go!

I’m working out the kinks in production value and trying to find the balance between educational and, well, silly. Because if you want excruciatingly boring, jargon-filled tutorials you’ll go to the Big Guns, right?! Or, like, take a freaking class or something! Honestly. I’m doing this for FREE, so step OFF me.

So, here is #2 (I’m re-shooting #1, lighting is the DEVIL). Feel free to offer suggestions (PLEASE offer suggestions), or to request your own techno tips (PLEASE suggest techno tips). In the next few episodes I’ll be covering iTunes Tricks and Tips, Gravatars, and the latest in IM jargon (you know, so you can be down, have the 411, so your kids/friends will know that your momma didn’t raise no foo’.).

I edited out all the cheesy baby pics and lovey dovey wedding crap and just left the extraordinarily helpful wedding tips my children had for the newlyweds.

As a service to all those in relationships in the blogosphere, I will share these special tips. Because I’m cool like that?

(Plus, I just reinstalled Podpress and need to test my feed.)

But mostly, I’m trying to do a Public Service! GOSH!

(With Titanium by Lee Coulter and Must Have Done Something Right by Reliant K.)

So, anyway, this is a song from Instant Star. And, duh, I am NOT a professional singer. Like, at ALL. Seriously. Simon Cowell would laugh at me and throw erasers at me. And tell me I’m dreadfully awful, pip pip! Cheerio! Except probably not that last “pip, pip” part.

But whatever! It’s all about the KARAOKE FUN! Shut up! It IS! GOOD TIMES! With the singing! And the mocking! HOO!

Right, then. This is me– Cat– covering a song by Alexz Johnson called “I Don’t Know If I Should Stay.”

(Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

It’s my Interview with a Famous Actor Dude debut. No, seriously. Watch! You’ll see!

So… in this episode of Veronica Mars, we get back to the show’s gritty noir roots. Flashbacks and voice-overs, mistresses and hookers, betrayal, revenge, and murder. It’s like a game of Clue… except in this game, (SPOILER ALERT) it’s Tim the TA in the Dean’s Office with a gun.

With Remember by Black Lab and Has Been Avenue by Bryon Friedman.

Enjoy! As usual, as soon as it’s up, feel free to click over to VEOH to leave a comment. Because it makes us look POPULAR, that’s why! Plus, I’m still clinging to the dream of some VM swag.

Oh, I kid. Totally kidding! Kid, kid, kid! I’m a kidder. It’s what I do. So it’s all good.

Anyhoos… Katie’s hypothesis? Well, why don’t I just let her tell you herself… (Gives me time to finish my American Idol recap. SHUT! UP! I can’t help myself! It’s a sickness.)

Featuring “Sick of Chicks” by Brother Love and “Booty Voodoo” by Lee Coulter.

(Oooh! As soon as it’s available, please do that clicky thing and give us some love over at VEOH, mm’kay?)

… a person shouldn’t freak the hell out when random, apparently illiterate people post super rude, wildly inappropriate comments at said person’s YouTube site because, seriously, while said person is obviously podcasting purely for the fun of it– and doesn’t really care what her hair looked like that day, couldn’t care less whether or not she “turned you on,” and has no idea what “you sound like ur in high school, in the valley” means anyway– those commenters have absolutely no excuse for their obstinate eschewal of the fundamentals of grammar coupled with a surprising lack of imagination. Plus, they’re obviously stupid. And probably very ugly.

So why sweat it? I say bring it ON. Everybody knows that God (and YouTube) invented the “Delete Comment” function for just this type of “small stuff.” That’s right, biznitches!

CLICK.

Even if you don’t watch Veronica Mars, watching me and Paige get a little crazy on camera (not like THAT, pervs! GOSH!) equals good times for all. Especially when Piznarski’s Dance Grooves and Stabby Unicorns are involved. So CLICK HERE. Because each time you click over, we get closer and closer to the Veronica Mars swag we’ve been eyeing. MUST. WIN. VM. SWAG. Or snickerdoodles. Whatever.

Apparently, some mysterious person is accusing me of copyright infringement. I’m all, “Who in the what now?!” So VEOH pulled my video, but there is no word as to exactly whose copyright I’m supposedly infringing upon.

Help! Help! I’m being oppressed! Do you see VEOH oppressing me?!

I mean, RUDE.

Yay! The Man is no longer holding me back, y’all. Click away!