“… and a bag of chips.”

Over the weekend, I cuddled up on the couch with my kiddos and we watched Sydney White, a modern retelling of the Snow White story. As “the fairest of them all”– a beautiful sorority girl (because, duh, who better to play an evil witch, eh Disney?)– strutted onto the scene, Alli leaned over and tapped on my arm.

With an unladylike snort of disgust, she whispered, “Momma, that girl thinks she’s all this and that, doesn’t she?”

Stardust: Storybook Romance at its BEST

If you love a good boy-meets-girl storybook movie (Think Princess Bride, but more romantical) chock full o’ comically nasty witch queens and evil princes, fantastical sorcery and swordplay, and Robert DeNiro in drag, well, this one just magically fell into your lap:

Stardust, adapted from a novel by Neil Gaiman.

I saw it last night, and I have to say it is charming. No, really! And I’m not just saying that because it’s a wicked good pun. Okay, I AM saying that because it’s a wicked good pun, but also because it’s TRUE! Utterly charming. And FUNNY. And romantical. Did I say romantical?
*sigh*

This is the date movie of the summer, y’all. I mean, nothing warms the cockles of one’s heart like a story of an impetuous young man setting out on a magical quest to retrieve a fallen star in order to impress his beautiful but cold unrequited love, am I right? Eh? (And when that unrequited love is played by Sienna Miller, you just KNOW it will take a ginormous gesture to win her affection.) And when a packed theater (packed! a week and a half after its release!) is laughing and cheering throughout the movie–so much, in fact, that you will probably have to go see the movie again because you missed some parts due to the laughter and cheers from the audience– you know there’s something special going on.

Honestly. This movie is one of those rare, boy-meets-girl, storybook romances that actually EARNS its sweetness. And I think I have a new secret movie character crush in the impetuous Tristan (played by Charlie Cox). Allow me to say… RAWR.

Plus, did I mention Robert DeNiro in drag? Yes?

Well, there you go.

No need to thank me. It was my pleasure.

Vacation Bible School Euphoria

Vacation Bible School euphoria is a curious and slightly bewildering thing to behold, I tell you what. Allison was invited to attend with her best friend, and we were all like, “Eh. Why not?”

When Allison returned home the first evening I could hear her dancing around downstairs, regaling her brother and sister with colorful and sundry details of her evening spent eating yummy snacks and playing games and dancing and learning new songs.

“Listen, guys! Listen,” she begged, just before launching into song. LOUD song.

“Our GOD is an AWESOME God! Um, something… something… he ain’t just putting on the ritz! Our GOD is in AWESOME God!”

I heard Tanner snicker, and thought– perhaps– I might need to be privy to the goings-ons of this budding conversation. I put away my magazine (it was an edifying periodical, I am SURE, not at all some frivolous rag, like, say, InTouch or anything…), and snuck down to the landing at the bend in our stairwell, where I could see but not be seen.

In the living room Allison was performing some sort of little–I don’t know… jig?– while Tanner and Hannah looked on, wide-eyed. And not the Wow, that is so cool! wide-eyed, no sirree, but the Is she for real?! No, REALLY? wide-eyed. YOU know the one. The one that spells Trouble. With a capital T.

Allison brought it home. “He reigns from heaven above! Something… and love! Our God is an AWESOME GOOOOD!”

Now, she’s only just turned eight, so I am going to go ahead an overlook the jazz hands. Tanner and Hannah, however, were not as generous.

Tanner glanced at Hannah, then back at Allison. “You know,” he said, his voice calm, “some people might think that song is a little,” he paused, in an apparent struggle to choose the right word, “well, disrespectful.”

Hannah nodded her head. “Yeah. Disrespectful.” Then she giggled.

I couldn’t see Allison’s face, but her body language clearly said Oh, no you did NOT.

“What?!” she said, her voice incredulous. “It’s not disrespectful! It just says God is awesome! Which he is!”

Hannah piped in then with, “Aaaaaaawesome, dude.”

Alli turned to Hannah. “No, not awesome like cool, but awesome like… you know, really awesome!”

Tanner shrugged. “I’m just saying. It seems disrespectful to be all, ‘God is awesome! God is awesome!’”

“It is NOT!” Allison stomped her foot. “You’re just jealous that I got to go to Vacation Bible School and you didn’t! So SHUT! UP! you big, fat meanie!”

“Is that what Jesus would say?”

Hannah giggled again.

Not to brag, but I’ve always had a pretty good sense of timing, and by the steam I could practically see coming out of Allison’s ears, I was sensing that this was a particularly fitting time to join the conversation. I came the rest of the way down the stairs and distracted my youngest daughter with a “Hi, there, cutie!’ and a hug.

I hope you admire my restraint when I tell you I resisted the urge to tell her that her brother and sister were clearly jealous of her success in the Lord, since she was down with G-O-D and filled with Christ’s love. (Hoo! Saved. Funny flick, that.) But I digress.

“Watch what we do after we sing songs,” she ordered just before she tore a brand new VBS straw cowboy hat off her head and waved it around with zeal, while she yelled, “Yeeeehaaaaw!” Then she pointed to a small goody bag she had placed on the table before launching into song and dance. “I got goodies, too,” she told me proudly.

I picked up the bag and pulled a small blue teddy bear out of it. “What’s this?” I examined it a little more closely. “Oh. It says ‘Jesus’ all over it. It’s a Jesus bear. A bear made out of Jesus cloth.” I looked up at Allison. “So, what’s up with the Jesus bear?”

Allison smiled at me. And not an Oh, Momma, you’re so cool smile, but more of an Oh, Momma, I’ll miss you in heaven, you Godless savage smile. “Um… we worship him?”

“The bear?” Tanner asked, oh-so-innocently.

“JESUS!” Allison yelled.

I may have giggled. I don’t know. It all happened so fast.

“MOM!”

Allison’s spiritual high eventually calmed a bit and I was able to put the kids to bed without any more instances of religious persecution.

Phew.

I tell you what. Learning to dealing with the aftermath of Vacation Bible School euphoria? Steep learning curve, my friends. That’s all I’m saying. STEEP.

That’s Captain Obvious to you…

So, my good blogging buddy Charlotte sent me a link to the HSM2 (that’s High School Musical 2, for the uneducated masses) music video sneak preview clip “What Time Is It?” I graciously thanked her for the link and let her know that she totally made my– I mean, my children’s day. Because High School Musical is all about the children. Obviously.

So, we watched the clip, my kiddos and I, and boy howdy! Hello? With the FUN? For the CHILDREN! I just stuck around to make sure there were no computer malfunctions during the viewing of the clip. A mother’s work is never done, I tell you what.

So, the clip begins with a group of students counting down the minutes until summer vacation. With contagious energy rivaling the Greasers and the Jocks and the Nerds and the Pink Ladies and… um, Bad Girl Sandy, they celebrate the last day of school with a wave of spunky, over-the-top dancing and enthusiastic singing that carries them through the halls and spills them out onto the school lawn. Now, I have to admit, while they’re singing about summer vacation and romance, all I’m hearing is “dip da dip da dip do whap de dobby do” and “boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby shoo wap shoo wap!”

Not that I’m saying they’re blatantly ripping off any Broadway musicals or hugely successful 1978 film adaptation of said Broadway musicals. Nope. I’m just saying “a womp bop a looma a womp bam boom!” came to mind, okay? And if, say, I suddenly envisioned Troy and Gabriella driving off into the sunset in a vintage hot rod that could inexplicably fly, I wouldn’t be like, “Huh.” Hey. I can’t help the way my mind works. That’s all I’m saying.

So, anyhoos, after the final “What time is it? It’s party tiiiiime!” and “YEAH!”, we– I mean, the children were all, “Woo! Cool!” Then I felt a tug at my sleeve, and I turned to see Alli smiling up at me over her glasses.

“Momma,” she said, pushing her glasses into place, then pointing at the computer screen, “I think those kids are excited for summer vacation.”

“You think?” I replied, smiling down at her. With overwhelming love and pride, obviously.

Because, WOW, right?! She has a firm grasp of the obvious, that daughter o’ mine.

*so proud*

Things that make you go “HA!”

“Six words: Will Ferrell as a Nascar driver.”

This was purportedly the pitch to the studios for Will Ferrell’s newest cinematic vehicle Talladega Nights: the Ballad of Ricky Bobby. (Heh. Vehicle. Get it? “Vehicle”?! As in a medium through which something is transmitted, expressed, or accomplished? But also an actual vehicle that one can drive?! Because… NASCAR?!… Wait. I ruined it, didn’t I? Damn my tendency to overexplain!)

By the trailer– which I saw before Superman Returns (Superman! *sigh*)– many of the scenes look highly improvised– like one big SNL skit, but better– by hilarious people who are at their best when they are given free rein. Case in point: Ricky Bobby (Ferrell), after a fiery crash on the track, is running around in nothing but his undies and his helmet screaming that he is on fire. Of course, he isn’t on fire, and his crew keeps trying to explain this to him, but he’s hysterical. And dude, nothing’s funnier than Will Ferrell when he’s hysterical:

Ricky Bobby (still running around in a panic): Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!

Seriously, that scene struck me so funny that I laugh every time I think about it. Hee. (See?!) Plus, mocking Tom Cruise is always funny. Because he is way short and beyond strange and attacks innocent furniture and has Katie Holmes and her baby held prisoner in his freaky Scientological compound and must totally die? (Joshua Jackson, where ARE YOU?! Joshua! JOSH! Save them! PAAAACEEEEY!) Seriously, I think that scene has ingratiated itself into my comedic vault, right up there with Ferrell as Gene Frenkle of the Blue Oyster Cult playing that damn cowbell during (Don’t Fear) the Reaper. I know, right? That’s really saying something! Right?! RIGHT?!

Okay, it’s really not. I’m easily amused. It’s just a cross I bear, y’all.

But still! FUNNY. But don’t take my word for it. I mean, I can’t handle that kind of responsibility, I just can’t. See for yourself, if you feel so inclined. Go on, do it. Do it. Do it. Do it!… Do it.

That being said, I probably won’t see the actual movie (but I might). Hello? The end product is never as funny as the sum of its parts, or the parts of its whole (except when it is), or something to that effect, but whatever! My point is Aristotle be damned! I cannot in good conscience pay money to see this movie (unless I change my mind)! I mean, come on. Will Ferrell as a Nascar driver? Really? REALLY?! Good LORD, people… Say it with me now: What were they thinking?!

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