God bless America. And the Fallen Founding Fathers of the Freelance Fireworks Hall of Fame.

Amen.

CHUCK! IS! BACK!

Yes! It is absolutely true. I mean, today is March 1, so, there you go. It IS March 1, right? RIGHT?!

Right.

I don’t want to come on too geeky, but… okay, I’m psyched!

Check it.

*happy dance*

Yes. I’ve heard the criticisms. But to me, this is a heartfelt remake of the original USA For Africa version, and for a selfless cause, to boot! Sure, they could have written/produced a new song, but hey, there’s a reason this one’s a classic. I’m only saying. Plus, the rap portion is pretty fantastic, and Wyclef Jean singing the song as translated into Creole? Beautiful.

(Although I do have to wonder how many people were like, “DUDE. What the hell does ‘hi-uh-tee’ mean?!” Because I am sometimes prone to strange and random wonderings?)

As a side note, I will admit, the posthumous Michael Jackson tribute almost turned me off– due to the Singing Along With Video Footage Of Dead People Totally Gives Me The Wiggins factor? which is MY issue, clearly!– but I decided I liked the inclusion after I overheard TD explaining to TGIM how seamlessly they were able to incorporate MJ’s part: “Yeah, see, they had some lady dressed up to LOOK like Michael Jackson, and she sang with him.”

Poor Janet.

In any event, my kids were moved by the video, especially the footage from Haiti, so I bought the album at iTunes. I figure it’s just one more little way we can give hope to the people of Haiti, and to the world.

Think about it.

… must resist the urge to watch American Idol… must resist the urge to watch American Idol…

Whatever. I don’t even care. American Idol and I are still SO over. So what if I missed one of my favorite broadway slash television stars sitting in as a guest judge? Big whoop. I am certainly not going to spend the evening scouring YouTube for clips or anything lame like that, I can tell you that. Honestly. Because I don’t even care that I missed one of my favorite broadway slash television stars, Kristin Freaking Chenoweth, being all judgy and whatnot. On American Idol. Even if her appearance on the show would make for a fabulous AI recap. Because American Idol and I ARE NOT SPEAKING.

… must resist the urge to watch American Idol… must resist the urge to watch American Idol…

No. I will not be taken in again– not even for Kristin Chenoweth, y’all!– because I have not forgotten how American Idol strung me along for years and years before finally revealing itself as a sham and a liar and a time-suck of epic proportions! I put my blood, sweat, and tears into that relationship and where did it get me?! Huh?! Nowhere, bucko, that’s where! And I can’t get all those late-night hours spent dialing and voting and recapping BACK, no sir! That’s all I’m saying.

… must resist the urge to watch American Idol… must resist the urge to watch American Idol…

Totally not checking YouTube and the American Idol Web site on Fox to find video clips from last night. Nope. But if somebody just sent me some random, anonymous links, and I was all, “Oooh, I wonder what THIS link opens?” and I clicked on the random, anonymous links and they happened to take me to some awesome clips from last night’s show featuring Kristin Chenoweth as a guest judge, well then, what’s a gal gonna do, you know? Sometimes things just happen like that, all random and whatnot. Understand? IT COULD HAPPEN. But I won’t be looking around for any clips. Nope.

Because American Idol is the devil.

Gosh. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I can hardly bear to say it. But the sad truth is…

Y’all? Yesterday evening? As I was leaving work? I… I… I was a public restroom cell phone user.

GAH! I know! RIGHT?! The SHAME.

Check it out! Even if you don’t care about the topic… because there will be singing. And an Easter Egg! (I’m almost positive I know what an Easter Egg IS, and if I’m right, there IS one. I think. Probably.)

TechnoGeekery Show #43: Make Your Blog iPhone Friendly

You’re welcome.

Because DUDE. Nathan Fillion is HI-larious (AND better than Neil) which is an inside joke if you are cool and have already memorized the lyrics of Commentary!: The Musical which is brilliant and funny and interesting and ultimately educational. Because of that bit about some writers’ strike that supposedly went on last year? I mean, who knew?! Also, when the writers asked Joss Whedon where he got the idea for the musical and he responded all gloom-and-doomy, “It came from PAIN…” and they were like, “Let’s not talk to Joss! He’s sad and confusing!” I just laughed and laughed! I had a coughing fit! From the laughter! Exacerbated by the tonsillitis and laryngitis, sure… but mostly I coughed from the laughter. It was gross. There was phlegm involved. It was a whole mucousy thing. I called my doctor.

Also most amusing for those in the online-video-world know, was Felicia Day‘s fanatical promotion of her series The Guild, the web series juggernaut with “dozens of loyal fans! baker’s dozens!…they come in thirteens,” (as Felicia sang in one of her songs), which I have spoken about before because I am IN the know. And then Felicia Day COMMENTED on my SITE so we are obviously almost BFFs now and I will probably have a lead role in Season 3… DANGIT! Lost my train of thought. It’s NOT about me, it’s about Commentary: The Musical! GOSH! So… Felicia Day… The Guild… ah, yes, the running joke of her shilling for The Guild on “someone else’s dime” that she manages to work into the lyrics of one of her songs. And just as everyone is telling her, “No one CARES, Fel-iii-ciiiaaa!” she quickly adds “CatchGuildFever!” before being cut off.

Oh. I could go on and on. I’d probably embarrass myself or something though, so I’ll just rein it in. Call it good. Be done with it. So… it is good, y’all. So, so good. Totally worth your money. Buy it today. Or not. I really don’t care. I don’t even get a $10 solo out of this post, so whatever. Do what you want. (Commentary!: The Musical. Tell your friends.)

And now I must rest. My head feels bobble-heady and my throat is achey. From the laughing. And from the tonsillitis and laryngitis, but mostly from the laughing.

That is all.

Break it down and behold!

Commentary!: The Musical

1. Commentary!
2. Strike!
3. Ten Dollar Solo — this one contains my new favorite lyric, “Suck it! I gave him 15!” from whence came my title.
4. I’m Better Than Neil
5. I Mean Art
6. I Don’t Do Songs
7. Nobody Wants to Be Moist
8. Ninja Ropes
9. It’s All About Me
10. Nobody’s Asian
11. Pick, Pick, Pick
12. Neil’s Turn
13. Commentary! Reprise
14. Steve’s Song

As I mentioned months back, through my super cool Podcast O’ TechnoGeekery’s affiliation with the Mommycast and Friends Family Channel, I received the support of a corporate sponsor, Johnson and Johnson’s Aveeno Baby line. I know right?! A corporate sponsorship! For a video podcast that I film right in my very own bedroom right in front of my very own computer! Except when I go on field trips and film in other people’s homes! Sometimes without their prior knowledge! But whatever!

Of course, this was no small deal. A huge corporate sponsor like Johnson and Johnson?! Yeah, a little beyond my meager (read: nonexistent) PR skills. The only way the Johnson and Johnson deal came together at ALL for the Mommycast and Friends Family Channel was through the skilled maneuvering of a gentleman by the name of Paul Vogelzang, who, BTW, is the executive producer of that podcast juggernaut, Mommycast.com, which holds the distinction of being one of the first independent podcasts to land a major corporate sponsorship, a la Dixie Paper Co.

LUCKY!

Well, luck actually did not have much to do with it. Because Paul V.? Dude. Paul is a dynamo! Truly. Paul is one of those uber-motivated individuals who simply makes things happen. This ability, coupled with his passion, enthusiasm, professionalism, and business savvy, totally closed the deal with Johnson and Johnson, I kid you not. The man is a leader– a guru, if you will– in the new media industry. I must give the man his props: Mommycast and the network are what some would call “an ideal model for anyone looking to succeed in this space” of “successful podcast production and advertising in podcasts.” Wait, someone DID say that… Jason Van Orden, Internet Marketing and Media Consultant with Van Orden Marketing and Media, LLC, and author of Promoting Your Podcast. My bad. But I totally agree, so there you go.

Paul totally gets new media, and is out there helping the old dogs learn the new tricks in the always changing media landscape. For REAL. He’s, like, a new media evangelist, out preaching the word! Which is New Media! Okay, that is technically TWO words, but you know what I mean. I can’t imagine anyone else I would rather have out there managing TechnoGeekery’s reputation in the online community.

So I would be a total jerk not to give shout-out and a BIG OL’ thank you to Paul Vogelzang, Mommycast, and the MommyCast production company, KDCP Productions, LLC, for the awesome opportunity I had to represent the Mommycast and Friends Family Channel and Johnson and Johnson’s Aveeno Baby line. Right?! I’m only saying. So… thanks Paul, Mommycast, and Johnson and Johnson. My kids and their college savings accounts totally love you. A LOT.

Cat, out.

And, wow… There just is not enough “ew!” in the world for the mental picture THAT just conjured, I tell you what, but that is neither here nor there so I will persevere.

See, sometimes? I believe I am awesome. Chock full of the awesomeness. So awesome I can barely stand it! Chuck Bass awesome! I think, “Hey! How is it that I am THIS awesome?!” I write! I sing! I play my guitar! I make vidcasts! I enter contests! I jump out of planes! I swing on the trapeze! I teach my kids awesome things to do and say! And I post videos such as this in which I totally bestow my awesomeness on an unsuspecting, yet obviously pleasantly surprised, public! Because I am AWESOME! I mean, have you SEEN all my friends on Facebook?! I’m only saying.

And then it all falls apart.

I wake up one morning, fire up the iMac, click to my YouTube page to watch my awesome Dr. Horrible Evil League of Evil application one more time, confident in the knowledge that I WILL be chosen for the once-in-lifetime opportunity to be included in the special features section of the super awesome Dr. Horrible DVD. The video starts up, the intro music sends shivers of– what? excitement?– up my spine, but when my face pops up on the screen, my heart drops, freaking plummets, I tell you, and I think, “Oh. My. GOSH. What have I DONE?” I panic. I wish I could take it back. Take it all BACK. I’m not awesome! I’m a fraud! A loser! I made a music video while wearing pink goggles on my forehead! PINK GOGGLES! On my FOREHEAD! And I can’t SING! Or write MUSIC! What the HELL was I THINKING?! OH! EM! GEE! What if Joss Whedon actually SEES this?! I suck I suck I SUCK! (I totally suck.) Not to mention that OTHER people have, like, tens of hundreds of friends on Facebook! Which is a LOT!

And then I think of that quote from “When Harry Met Sally” when Sally tells Harry, “…AND I’m going to be forty!” and when he asks, “When?” she sobs, “Someday!” and I totally get it. Oh, I SO get it. Because it’s there. It’s just sitting there, like some big dead end. And time is passing and what am I doing? Really? Twittering? Jumping out of perfectly good airplanes? Playing around with my guitar? Filming myself acting the fool, not to even mention sporting pink goggles that totally clash with a blue-accented black rash guard? When I’m not even at the POOL?! Right?! There is no WATER for the pink goggles, people! How is that awesome? Do I really think I’m funny? Do I truly believe I have anything to offer? That I will ever write the great American novel or even have any kind of future as an observational humorist? Well?! DO I?!

At this point, no amount of affirmation, self or otherwise, can penetrate the gloom. My heart hurts and I wish I could crawl away and hide. I stop writing. I stop creating. I lose myself in (quality!) television and (totally awesome!) DS video games. I avoid novels because they make me believe that– perhaps!– I could write something even better and why set myself up like that? Do I really want to be That Person? The one who deludes herself? Like those super horrible American Idol contestants who no one ever had the cajones to grab by the shoulders, give ‘em a shake, and sternly say, “Seriously? I love you, but you SUCK at the singing. For real! Even Paula thinks you suck, which HELLO?! Now cut that shit out!”

On one level, the rational one, I understand this is a phase. A mood. A momentary lapse of confidence in my utter awesomeness. But on another level, I just feel sad. Weary. Depressed. So totally lacking in the awesomeness. Awesomeless. Awesome light.

It’s moments such as this that I need to drag myself up off the floor of my I’m SO Not Awesome At ALL pity party, give myself a figurative “Pull it together, fool!” slap across the face, and look around. Take an interest in those who weren’t on the invite list to my party of one. TGIM. My kiddos. My family. My friends. Because even in the depths of self-pity, yes, even then! I understand that they don’t need any kind of proof of my awesomeness. They see it in me, the awesomeness, or see the lack thereof, yet they love me. Unconditionally. Yup. Pink goggles and all.

And that? Is totally awesome.

BOOM says the lady!

TechnoGeekery Show #40: TechnoGeekery Lightning Round

You can also CLICK HERE to watch at Chassy Cat’s YouTube.

In this episode, Chassy Cat makes up for lost time by answering several Burning Questions all within this one episode! Oh, and then there’s the “singing.”

Why yes, as a matter of fact I am using my sarcastic quotes. Whatever.

Also, my apologies to Instant Star. YOU know why.

*ahem* I’m totally cool and collected and not out-of-control-excited AT ALL.

So… yes. The Evil League of Evil is finally accepting applications. Right? DUDE. I’m only saying!

Naturally I have had my application at the ready for MONTHS, so my “Horrible Evil Sidekick” video is up and Super Evil Chassy is ready to kick boo-TAY and take names and… other horrible, water-related evil stuff!

Thanks to Charlotte and Sue and my friend Jen for the heads-up. Apparently, my Dr. Horrible Newsletter announcing the opening with the ELE got lost in the email or something! Yo! What up, Dr. H?!

The following is my official application to the Evil League of Evil. I think it’s pretty solid this year.

Dear Evil League of Evil:

Here’s my application! I ain’t no stinkin’ henchman!

FYI: I can help with any kind of water-related evil. You know, with the evil goggles of watery evilness and whatnot? Water boarding, Chinese water torture, synchronized swimming… the works.

Hmmm… Was that too braggy?

In any event:

That’s it. Fingers crossed.

Okay, so we’re breaking out! The stay-cation has morphed into a wicked cool mini-break! Woot! YES! Because stay-cations equal sadness for all. Honestly. Well, at least for DWM and clan. I’m just saying. Staying is NO FUN. At ALL.

So, now that I’m done with the filming (oooh, that’s what we call a “teaser” in the biz…) We’re off to NYC, all y’all. That’s right! New York City! All of us! Even TGIM! We’ve never been, so… EXCITING?! That being said, if there is anything we absoLUTEly need to do while we’re in the Big Apple (wait… do we still call it that? is that un-hip of me? Dear LORD! I don’t even KNOW!), let me know, mm’kay?

And now, I must pack. For the wicked cool mini-break I happen to be going on with the fam. Because we are done with the shoot. And we are no longer staying. We are mini-breaking. Which is way better.

Great. Now I have thoughts.

Speaking of Dr. Horrible, if you haven’t seen Felicia “Penny” Day’s webisode series “The Guild” yet, you should totally check it out! (What? I wasn’t speaking of Dr. Horrible? Well, there’s a mad crazy switch.) It won the 2007 YouTube Video Award and e’rything! I’m spreading the love because I think it is hilarious so I want to share AND because I absolutely ADORE being the one that points out fun, pop-culturally-relevant stuff to people. It makes me feel happy and important. Sometimes, even, I get tingles. Tingles in happy and important places. So, you’re welcome.

Also, I am very weird.

Well CHECK IT OUT! I’m FAMOUS! SIX people have VOTED for me! SIX! As of RIGHT now! And only ONE of those was ME! FOOYAH!

Dude, I’m saying. Wonderflonium.com ROCKS, yo? Solid.

So, yeah… feel free to click over and vote for Super Evil Chassy’s quite compelling argument for a spot in the Evil League of Evil as Dr. Horrible’s Sidekick. And while you’re at it, head on over to YouTube and spread the love. Joss Whedon, I mean Dr. Horrible, MUST pick me! MEEEE!

The Horrible Evil Sidekick gig will be mine. Oh, yes. It WILL be mine.

Now excuse me. I need to go call everyone I know.

SIX. Woo!

Okay, I got a little crazy. And, hey, carpal tunnel is SO not my friend.

Also, at many viewers’ request, I reposted at YouTube ONLY the song portion (“Horrible Evil Sidekick”) of my last TechnoGeekery episode. Please click over and leave lots o’ love. Because I’m NEEDY that way, okay?!

Finally, if you are interested (and heck! why wouldn’t you be?!), I’ve made an .mp3 and iPhone ringtone of “Horrible Evil Sidekick” available for download over at TechnoGeekery. You’re welcome.

*rushes off to get ice pack for wrist*

Or, you know, refrain from composing a song to Dr. Horrible…

Shut up! It’s a sickness! Enjoy.

(This is also posted at YouTube, so feel free to click over and give me some luuuuv… or a video response! Whatev.)

Teaser from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

Okay, so I have now seen all three Acts, and DUDE. I have Thoughts. Of course, my thoughts would be considered spoilers to any and all Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog virgins, so be warned. DO. NOT. CLICK. Unless you want to be spoiled. For real. Clicking equals No-No. Unless you’ve seen the whole thing, in which case, come on doooooown! (In other words, click on the “read more” hyperlink below… if you dare. Mwah ha ha.)

Okay, so here’s the thing. I should have expected it. I really should have. I have watched enough Whedon to know that he is allergic to The Happy. And I have to admit, at first– at very first!– I was disappointed. There I was, be-bopping along to the music– honestly, how many of use weren’t sucked into the campy goodness that was Acts 1 and 2?– then BOOM. Hello to the pain.

See, dude bends genres. Yep. That’s what he does. Thinks outside the box. So I’m thinking “romantic comedy with a twist.” Joss, on the other hand, had other plans. I mean, I get it now… in the end, Penny HAD to die. She couldn’t be secretly evil and kill Captain Hammer herself. She couldn’t stop Dr. Horrible from killing Captain Hammer and live happily ever after with him. It couldn’t have ended any of those ways because everybody watching already thought those would be the perfect ending. They were predictable. And the obvious ain’t how Whedon rolls, yo?

Still… right at the end there… who was waiting for Penny to shout out, “Billy! NO! Don’t do it!” as the music swelled? Who was sure that Dr. Horrible would realize he could be plain old Billy Buddy with the love of a good woman? Huh? Who?

*raises hand*

Stupid, I know. Of course, I realize now that what I was watching wasn’t a romantic comedy with a twist. Not at all. The story went from campy to heavy in less than 45 minutes because what I was watching was actually an origin story for a super villain. A super villain wannabe who loved a genuinely good-hearted girl who believed the world could be a beautiful place if you just had hope… and then she dies, and it’s Dr. Horrible’s fault (albeit inadvertently), and her last words cut him to the quick, extinguish all hope in his heart: “Don’t worry… Captain Hammer will save us.”

So Dr. Horrible really did end up in the Evil League of Evil. With Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin. And that? I was not expecting.

And that is why I love Joss Whedon.

That’s right, y’all! Despite technical difficulties that may have driven a lesser TechnoGeek even closer to the edge of mind numbingly crazy monkey madness, the technogeekery has prevailed!

TechnoGeekery Show #36:  Buying Domain Names… What’s the Point? (Part II)

See?! Yay, technology!

Now I don’t want to brag or anything, but I think this episode is just chock full of the techno tutorial goodness that is the geeky… okay, I don’t know where that was going, so let’s just say you can learn a whole lot about what to do with a domain name if you get a wild hair and buy one. Mm’kay?

Plus, I threw in the musical stylings of one Alexz Johnson for good measure. Uh, because I LOVE her?

Duh.

Enjoy. And LEARN and stuff.

Okay, I fully admit I had NO IDEA that Joss Whedon had gone live with his latest project (bad Joss Whedon fan! BAD!), Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, a three-episode internet musical starring the super awesome Neil Patrick Harris as a blogging, low-rent super villain named Dr. Horrible, who longs to gain entrance into the Evil League of Evil and talk to the pretty girl at the laundromat. Seriously. No clue.

But he did.

And I had NO IDEA that if I decided to watch said super villain internet musical while, say, riding the Metro into work this morning, there would be the possibility that I might, perhaps, nearly bust a gut laughing and freak out the very nice-seeming gentleman in the army uniform sitting next to me, who might then, maybe, swiftly move across the car from me and stealthily watch me for signs of The Crazy, fully intent on taking me DOWN if need be.

But I did.

But, c’mon. By the time Captain Hammer (played by the super awesome Nathan Fillion) jumped atop the wonderflonium-filled courier van that had been hijacked by Dr. Horrible’s Horrible Van Remote application on his iPhone, I was gone. I mean, a blogging, singing super villain?! With an iPhone?! Loaded with applications of super villain evil?! How genius is that?!

Hey. You know who’s an evil genius? Joss Whedon, that’s who! Honestly. What I wouldn’t give to work with that man!

Well, probably not my first born. Or my soul. Or, you know, anything remotely dear to me. But still! I would so love to hang with the man for a day. Pick his brain. Learn his process. See how he does it. Check for signs of soul-sellage, what with his evil genius and all. Maybe take him out for a beverage of some sort. You know, geeky stuff.

Enough with the sharing. If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch Act I, Episode I again while, perhaps, this time singing along. Because it’s Dr. Horrible’s SING-ALONG Blog, that’s why! Sheesh. Keep up.

As you were.

We weren’t allowed to video tape TD’s musical, Roald Dahl’s Willy Wonka, (what is UP with that?! HUH?!) but hey! Who needs to tape the show from waaaaay back in the audience, when one’s kiddos have memorized the whole darn thing anyway, and commandeer the family computer for an afternoon to capture the entire show– up close and personal– for posterity? Not me, that’s who!

So, yeah. I have no actual tape of Tanner performing on stage as Charlie, but I have him (and his sisters) performing every other role in the musical– with FEELING, no less… so FOOYAH!

Yup. Feel free to take a quick peek at what it’s been like at MY house for the past five months.

Enjoy.

Unfortunately his email went straight to my Junk Mail; fortunately I often skim over said Junk Mail, so I totally caught it amongst the offers to increase my… er, girth… well, whatever!

Anyway, I SO appreciated the advice. I mean, I’ve been told before that I should look into lighting, but I was like, “Dude. No way am I spending that kind of money! That’s a whole lot of Taco Bell!” Except, I totally don’t ever eat at Taco Bell. Their beans are DEHYDRATED. As for filming TechnoGeekery, I’ve tried moving around a bit, and my best lighting has been up in my room facing the window, but the natural light can be a little too harsh. Like, “Hello, freckles! How you doin’?” But my new TechnoGeek friend suggested I forgo spending what he called “a butt load of money on studio lighting” (which, HA! he said “butt”) and invest in a type of (cheap) lighting (totally inexpensive) he called China balls (which don’t cost much money at ALL).

Apparently, China balls—those paper globes with the metal ribs and a light bulb inside—are perfect for creating natural soft light. YES. Hello softer shadows! My freckles and I thank you, TechnoGeek Jim. No, really. From the bottom of my photoprotective melanin-deprived heart. Or skin. Oh, you know what I mean.

And I mentioned the “not expensive” part, right? Like, Blue Light Special cheap? That’s all I’m saying.

So… China balls! I didn’t know that is what those were called, but my aunt had several of them hanging in her bedroom in the early 80′s, so I am familiar with them. Hmmm, come to think of it, now that I know they are generally used to create natural soft light and pleasing skin tones… well, frankly, I’m a little wigged out. I am also forcibly reminded of her totally radical boyfriend back then, however, and I suppose the need for softer lighting would come into play… boyfriend had a perm AND a ‘stache! Couple that with his trendy 80′s fashion sense, and well, I’m not surprised. Honestly.

So, a big shout out to my new TechnoGeek peep, Jim! Thanks. I will definitely try to implement a new lighting arrangement as soon as I can get my hands on some cheap China balls!

Oh. Oh MY. Well that just sounds dirty. How embarrassing. I shall now call them cheap China lanterns.

Heck. I may even devote an entire TechnoGeekery episode to the benefits of cheap China ba– er, lanterns! I mean it. Ain’t technology grand?…

… Transformers! Robots in disguise! 

Ha! That never gets old.

TechnoGeekery Show #28: Leopard and XP Secret Tip

This secret tip is so wicked awesome it is sure to help alleviate even the worst mouse clicking fatigue. And, hey! Who knew Leopard and Windows XP had so much in common? BOOYAH!

*snorts of laughter*

“What did I say?”

………………………………………………..

And speaking of ho’s, Chassy Pimp makes an appearance on the latest episode of TechnoGeekery. And she RAPS, yo? Right?! I’m sayin’. Sweet.

TechnoGeekery Show #16 (actual #26): Blog Books and Blurb Raps

Please note that the latest episode of TechnoGeekery is also available in the DWM sidebar. Right over there –>. And by clicking on the “Toggle Full Screen” icon in the lower right-hand corner of the sidebar’s Podango player, you can watch the video–wait for it… wait for it– full screen! Just so’s ya know.

There! Don’t say I never give you anything.

Enjoy.

All rising.