February 12, 2014
So, on the one hand, I’m so very happy (yay!) that my awesome high-school-aged teens still enjoy my company enough to want me to accompany them to an actual theater full of actual people to see an awesome family-friendly movie they’ve been wanting to see (take that, TGIM!). Because that is awesome, right?! So awesome! The awesomest? (Yay?) Kids + Momma + Movie = Awesome!
On the other hand, I’m slowly being driven insane by the incessantly ebullient “Everything is Awesome” song lyrics that I CANNOT. GET. OUT. OF. MY HEAD. Yes. The most cheerfully awesome mind-numbing earworm EVER in the history of the known awesome UNIVERSE! I am not even joking. You think I am, but I am soooo not.
Damn you, Lego Movie! DAMN you.
(FYI: It was awesome.)
February 5, 2014
Aaah! An ice storm created an ice skating rink out of our driveway. No WAY am I stepping foot outside until it melts, I tell you what! Hey. My ice fear isn’t completely irrational, if you know the whole story of what happened to me nearly 6 years ago, almost to the day:
Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up! (Feb 13, 2008)
In my defense, I was pretty hopped up on drugs when I wrote that entry. I’m just saying I may have been a little loopy at the time. Perhaps. Probably.
Just so you know.
January 9, 2014
My, how things change! This seems to be especially true of the occasional overheard conversation, what with three high-schoolers in the house and all.
Toto, we aren’t in grade school anymore.
Overheard conversation amongst my kiddos yesterday afternoon (names redacted to protect the innocent freaking weirdos I’ve raised):
Kiddo 1: Hey. Why is picking your nose not considered socially acceptable?
Kiddo 2: I wasn’t picking my nose!
Kiddo 1: I’m only saying.
Kiddo 2: Whatever. Did you know you can use this thing called Gizoogle to search for information in ghetto? No, seriously! Give me a word.
Kiddo 1: Flower. I mean, everyone picks their nose, right?
Kiddo 2: Flower? Okay.
Kiddo 3: Our bus driver picks his nose. It is not attractive.
Kiddo 1: Your bus driver is not attractive.
Kiddo 3: Good point.
Kiddo 2: Okay, here we go. Flower… or did you mean to say “funky-ass bloom blossom”?
Kiddo 1: Wait, what?
Kiddo 2: That’s flower, according to Wikipizzle!
Kiddo 3: Heh. Wikipizzle.
Kiddo 1: I’m just saying it seems weird for it to be such a big deal. “Oooh, look! That bro’s picking his nose! Oooh!”
Kiddo 3: Wikipizzle, fo’ shizzle!
Kiddo 1: Am I wrong?
Kiddo 2: Yep. Hashtag gizoogle – fo’ all y’all biotches who wanna find shiznit!
Kiddo 3: It just LOOKS gross, that’s probably why.
Kiddo 1: Still.
Kiddo 2: Let’s try rabbit now. Rabbit… lil’ ass muth… okay, well that’s just inappropriate.
Momma: Good lord! Don’t you guys have homework to do?
Frantic typing, then-
Kiddo 2: Nope. Our mackdaddies dint assign homework fo’ da huslas.
Giggles all around.
Momma: Okay, enough! Just step away from the computer and go outside for a bit.
Momma: And don’t forget to stop and smell the funky-ass bloom blossoms while you’re at it!
My family, ladies and gentlemen.
December 9, 2013
Reactions from my kiddos, upon viewing this photo from Way Way Back:
Cat: Ohmygawsh! Look at you guys! So cute!
TD (studying the photo): Wow, Mom. You look… tired.
Cat: First of all? Rude. And B, I am pregnant with Alli in this picture, so chances are good I WAS tired, Mr. Rudesby.
Alli (suddenly way more interested): You were?! Let me see!
Mack: (holding photo out of reach) Oooh, “Hashtag Mormon Moms”! Ha ha!
Cat (grabbing the photo): You’re hilarious.
November 6, 2013
There are a few universal truths:
A pot should never call the kettle black.
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
And people with large, uncovered windows in their front and side doors shouldn’t cook dinner in their underwear (or naked, for that matter), or so I’ve tried to teach TGIM.
So just before dinner last night, when the doorbell rang, TGIM dropped the spatula he’d been wielding (manfully!) and sprinted for the stairs, yelling, “Whoa! What the…?! Someone get that! I’m in my underwear!”
Even though I was super busy laughing and yelling after him, “See?! See, TGIM?! This is why!” I could still hear Paige’s daughter Kate’s voice carrying through the house as soon as Alli opened the front door.
“Hi! Um, I’ve been standing at your side door for, like, ten minutes…”
It was dark AND I was in the next room, but I could still hear the blush in her voice.
“I didn’t know what to do…” she said, obviously holding back laughter. “I just need to pick up some rabbit food!”
(Okay. It’s not as if she hadn’t already seen him in his cycling outfit, but still.)
So, of course TGIM, once properly pantsed up (panted?), went out and got in everyone’s face, helping TD get Kate some rabbit food, all tra la la, I have pants on, it never happened, tra la la, this isn’t awkward, if I talk enough everyone will forget, la di da!
“That’s not enough. Here, have some more!” TGIM offered, shoveling more rabbit food into the bag Kate was holding.
“No, it’s okay—”
“No, no, have some more!”
“But, we only need—”
“No worries! It’s yours! We’re good here! Take it!”
After Kate drove away, fully stocked with pretty much all the rabbit food we owned, and we finally sat down to dinner, I turned to TGIM and said, “Well, I’m just glad she didn’t see you in Superman underwear or something.”
The kiddos burst into giggles when, with perfect composure, TGIM replied, “Yesterday, she would have.”