Making Lemonade

September 23, 2010

One perk of an EARLY morning commute? Check out that Harvest Moon. Right?! RIGHT?! HA! Woo! Take THAT, late sleepers! YEAH!

*end of glass half-full moment*

Freaking Out Top Ten

June 16, 2009

Top Ten Reasons I am FREAKING Out:

10. Boxes everywhere! Seriously! All over the place! In my new house! Big boxes full of stuff I probably don’t REALLY need! And dust! Big boxes full of stuff and DUST! Dear LORD, the dust!

9. I am frantically putting the finishing touches on the PowerPoint I needed to post, like, last week, for the presentation I am giving in Cincinnati NEXT week. And, everyone knows–as Dwight Shrute once said–“PowerPoints are LAME.”

8. I will be leading a session at an industry Expo next week using said heretofore unfinished PowerPoint (see 9).

7. Despite several calls and frantic emails, I still have not been able to successfully register for my GovTrip account.

6. I do not have a travel itinerary for my business trip next week, mainly because I CANNOT SUCCESSFULLY REGISTER FOR GOVTRIP and therefore have not been able to buy my plane tickets.

5. I can’t find my favorite comfy jeans. Because there are BOXES ALL OVER MY HOUSE!

4. My allergies are out of control. Probably because of the dust. You know, in the boxes? All over my house?

3. I’m 99 percent sure I have a room reserved at the conference center in Cincinnati to which I may or may not have transportation. It’s that remaining 1 percent of uncertainty that has me by the short hairs.

2. Speaking of… my previously straightened hair is being completely ornery about all this humidity, and is like “Aw, hell no!” the minute I step out the door. Naturally, my flatiron is no where to be found. YOU know why. Honestly. Don’t MAKE me explain the “Boxes! Boxes Everywhere!” situation again.

1. New houses awesome! Physically moving, however? NOT awesome.

ID Badge Walk of Shame

January 6, 2009

So, there are card readers in my place o’ work. Lots of them. You know, for my safety? Also to engender self-loathing? Because before I can go through any door, or up or down any elevator, or into or out of any stairwell, I must stop, whip my super-secure badge out of its lead (yuh-huh!) case, and then stand in front of a card reader for, like, TENS of moments of my day, swiping my stupid (but actually smart) ID back and forth (and back and forth) and back and forth. And all the while, guys? All the entire while?! I am attempting to shield my eyes from the tragic evidence of just how absolutely AWFUL my hair looked on the day they took my ID photo, an unfortunate circumstance which—I might add— was totally not my fault! Except for it kind of was! Because that was the day I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and walk the several city blocks to the GSA building instead of hopping on the Metro like everybody else. Because this is called aerobic exercise and is very good for my heart, that’s why!

Flash forward to me, today, approaching the door to the suite of offices on my boss’s floor. I waved and smiled at a group of my colleagues who were waiting at the elevators, reached for my ID badge, and steeled myself for the imminent embarrassment of Cat’s Oh-So Tragic Hair Day Which Will Live Forever In Infamy. But then? I spotted my opportunity! An opportunity of golden proportions! It was FedEx Delivery Dude! I am so not joking. I like to think it was fate’s little way of looking out for me and my fragile ego. Because if I hurried I could catch up to FedEx Delivery Dude and sneak right in behind him, no badge (and subsequent self-loathing) necessary! Score! Sadly, FedEx Delivery Dude was way too busy and important to hold the door for me and my ID badge of shame, but I totally sped up behind him and JUST caught the door before it could swing shut.

“Ha HA!” I triumphed, perhaps a bit louder than I intended. A tad. Perhaps. I may have also pumped my fist. I don’t know. It’s all a blur now.

Bursts of laughter followed me in from the hallway, only to be cut short when the door fell closed behind me. The secretaries in the foyer eyed me warily as I stumbled to a stop in front of their desks (the momentum of my hustle may have propelled me through the door at a pace a bit more energetic than is considered seemly and/or work-appropriate), but I just smiled and went about my business. Because DUDE… I freaking snaked it, yo?

In other news, occasionally I am heedless and strange.


December 2, 2008


No, really. It’s like she has Fate by the short hairs and is all, “Oh, yeah. I’m doing this! WHILE WE ARE MOVING. Consequences and/or permanent blindness be damned! Because I have mad liquid eyelining skillz, biznitches! What up?! Now step off! I shall now floss and shave my legs before the next stop.”

Sure, it could be worse. I mean, at least she isn’t DRIVING. But whatever. Personally, I prefer to apply cosmetics when the ground isn’t shaking. Call it my wacky personal preference.

No Assembly Required

September 19, 2008

There’s nothing like heading off to work when one’s head feels ten times too large for one’s body, all heavy and congested and whatnot, and that is not to even mention the sneezing and the hacking cough an the achiness radiating thoughout one’s body. And by “one’s” I mean “MINE.”

Yup. I’m like a limited edition Sick Bobblehead Chassy Cat.

On clearance.

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